Devotees ask me often, who is the Supreme Godhead? Is Krishn Supreme Godhead? Is Vishnu Supreme Godhead? Are Krishn and Vishnu same or different? Is Lord Shiv Supreme? Is Shakti Supreme Goddess? Today I am thinking to clear all devotees’ doubts. I will write here all the differences and try to let you know why our sects have differences. (I won’t talk what Sampraday Acharyas said. If you want to know the answer ‘why I’m not’. Read this article)

As all of you know we have some main scriptures. 3-4 Vedas, 18 Purans and 17 sub-Purans, 19 smirities (law books)

But the problem is, “Shurti Bhinna Smirti Bhinna” Ved have differences, law books have differences and Puran also speak different things. So I will try to talk about Purans here because they talk about Supreme Godhead.Ved talks about Brahm and Smritis talk about Gayatri mantra and how to save ourselves from any offenses.

1. According to Brahm-vavrta Puran, Lord Shri Krishn is the Supreme Godhead and Supreme Personality. He resides in Golok Dham and from Him Lord Vishnu, Lod Shiv and Lord Brahma incarnated. Lord Vishnu is the part of Lord Krishn according to this Puran who works for Lord Krishn. Lord Vishnu resides in Vishnu-lok (Vaikunth) and He is the organ of all universes.

2. According to Padma Puran, Lord Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead. First of all, He had born Prakati, afterwards, Mahatatv, Tan-matra, Panchbhut. From His naval-ring, Lord Brahma had born who created the world.

3. According to Brahm Puran and Shri Harivansh Puran, Lord Narayan is the Supreme Godhead. First of all he made the water; by His power he had manifested one big golden egg in the water. From that egg Lord Brahma appeared who designed the world.

4. According to Vishnu Puran, Lord Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead. First of all, Lord Vishnu had born two personalities Prakati and Purush and all emotions. By their mixing one golden egg appeared, from that egg Maha-Virat or Maha-Vishnu came out. He divided into 3 forms, Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv to create the world.

5. According to Narad Puran, Maha-Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead who appeared in the three forms Purush, Prakarti and Time. These forms started to create the world and later changed into Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh.

6. Srimad Bhagwatam Puran, Lord Hari is the Supreme Godhead who created the Maya first. From Maya Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared. By their mixings Golden egg appeared, from that egg Maha- Purush appeared. From Maha-Purush (Virat-Purush) all Gods, Goddesses, Demons, Human beings etc appeared.

7. According to Markandeya Puran, Param-brahm-Prameshwar is the Supreme Godhead who born Prakati first. By her support Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared. By everyone support golden egg manifested. From golden egg Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh came out who are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of the world.

8. According to all Shiv Purans like Ling Puran, Shiv Puran etc, Lord Shiv is the Supreme Godhead. Who incarnated as a light in the beginning of this world. He born Shakti first then Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared by Him and later He born Brahm and Vishnu who started to create and maintain the world.

9. According to Devi Bhagwat, Goddess Shakti is the Supreme Personality. From her Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv appeared, and she distributed the work to them.

10. According to Ganesh Upnishad, Lord Ganesh is the Supreme Godhead and Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv manifested from Him only who respectively are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of the world.

11. In few scriptures as well as Veds Lord Sun is the only Supreme Godhead.

Confused? Don’t be now I will speak minute stuff which will make you more confused.

1. Purushamevedam sarvam eko RUDRO na dwitiyaay vidyate |
These Vedic Mantras mean “there is only one PURUSH who is creator, sustainer and annihilator of this Infinite Cosmos. THAT PURUSH is RUDRA ( BHAGAVAN SHANKAR ). ’’
In NILARUDRA Upanishad, it is said that – “ those who differentiate between BHAGAVAN VISHNU and BHAGAVAN SHANKAR goes to the darkest region of Maya.

2. Mahabharat contains Srimad Bhagwat Gita in where Lord Krishn said, He is the Supreme Personality but in same Mahabharat, In the Anushasana Parvan, Book 13, we find this prayer to Shiv:
yo asrijad dakshinad angad brahmanam loka-sambhavam
vama-parshvat tatha vishnum loka-rakshartham ishvarah
yugante chaiva samprapte rudram angat srijat prabhuh
‘He is the Lord (ishvara) who from his right side created Brahma the creator of the world and from his left side created Vishnu for the protection of the world. And at the end of the Yuga the mighty Lord creates Rudra from his body.’

In the other story in Mahabharat, Lord Vyas Dev tells Kauravs that Parshuaastra (weapon of Shiv) won’t give any harm to Lord Krishn because Lord Krishn is Lord Shiv’s devotees.

”The blessed Vishnu said: “I salute Mahadeva. Salutations to Thee. O Thou that art eternal origin of all things. The Rishis say that Thou art the Lord of the Vedas. The righteous say that Thou art Penance, Thou art Sattwa, Thou art Rajas, Thou art Tamas, and Thou art truth.” (The Mahabharata, Anusasana Parva Section XIV)

3. According to Srimad Bhagwatam, Lord Krishn- Narayan- hari is the Supreme Godhead but Srimad Bhagwatam reveals this also

SB 8.12.39: My dear Lord Śambhu, who within this material world but you can surpass My illusory energy? People are generally attached to sense enjoyment and conquered by its influence. Indeed, the influence of material nature is very difficult for them to surmount.

SB 8.7.31: O Lord Girīśa, since the Brahman effulgence is transcendental to the material modes of goodness, passion and ignorance, the various directors of this material world certainly cannot appreciate it or even know where it is. It is not understandable even to Lord Brahmā, Lord Viṣṇu or the King of heaven, Mahendra.

SB 8.7.32: When annihilation is performed by the flames and sparks emanating from your eyes, the entire creation is burned to ashes. Nonetheless, you do not know how this happens. What then is to be said of your destroying the Dakṣa-yajña, Tripurāsura and the kālakūṭa poison? Such activities cannot be subject matters for prayers offered to you.

SB 8.7.33: Exalted, self-satisfied persons who preach to the entire world think of your lotus feet constantly within their hearts. However, when persons who do not know your austerity see you moving with Umā, they misunderstand you to be lusty, or when they see you wandering in the crematorium they mistakenly think that you are ferocious and envious. Certainly they are shameless. They cannot understand your activities.

4. Vishnu puran 5.33.46
Yo hariH sa ZivaH sakSad yaH zivaH sa svayamM hariH
Ye tayor bhedamAti stahan narakAya bhave nnaraH
Whoever is Lord Hari, He Himself is Lord Shiva indeed.
Any human being mistakes both the lord to be different, he/she surely go to hell

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Are you confused now? Confusion creates questions. My questions are given below which shall be considered:-

1. We say infact it is written in the scripture, Srimad Bhagwatam is the essence of the Purans. Question comes here… In Bhagwatam there is not a single story from any Shiv’s Purans. How can it be an essence when from 17 Purans, half of them are not there? Right?

2. According to scriptures, one who sees the moon of Ganesh Chaturthi gets the wrong blame in the future. Once Lord Krishn saw that and got the blame on Him that He killed and robbed ‘Mani’.Gem). Later Lord Krishn had proved that he didn’t do that. Since that all devotees never see the Ganesh Chaturthi moon. Eventually all Gods hide themselves inside their deity rooms on this particular day from the moon. When Lord Krishn appeared on the earth, and spread the message everywhere that He is the only Supreme Godhead, then why did he get affected by that moon who belongs to Lord Ganesh?

3. Mainly Lord Krsna, Lord Shiv and Sri Durga Maa are only three supreme personalities which are mentioned in scriptures. There are other two also, and incarnation of Lord Shiv, Sankaracharya put these 5 idols on the altar for worship. He didn’t want us to get confused and start to fight who is Supreme. If we accept one scripture then second scripture is definitely wrong for us which is an offense. So to finish that offense, He put these five Gods on the altar.

4. In our hindu calander, Kartik and Vaishakh months are dedicated to Lord Krishn, Saavan to Lord Shiv and two Nav durgas to Sri Durga Maa. Not other months are dedicated to any other Devta.

5. Lord Shiv meditates Lord Krishn, Lord Krishn meditates Sri Radha ji. So who is Supreme?

6. Lord Shiv worships Lord Krishn and Lord Krishn worships Lord Shiv. However, Sri Durga never worshiped them.

7. In many Purans and our vedic scriptures it is clearly mentioned that Lord Krishn and Lord Shiv worshiped Sri Durga. Why did Lord Krishn or Lord Shiv do that when they were Supreme?

8. Only focus on those shloks which has our stuff in them doesn’t mean we can deny other shloks and facts.

9. When Lord Krsn is ONLY Supreme Godhead then why did He worship Lord Shiv for Sudarshan Chakra. Sudarshan Chakra used to belong Lord Shiv only. After got happy by Lord Krishn tapsaya Lord Shiv gave his Charkra to Him. (Shiv Puran)

10. Could you show me any shloks where Lord Krishn worshiped His other devotees and sang a prayer for them?

11. Did Lord Krsna sang a prayer for any other devta? Why Lord Krishn worshiped only Lord Shiv and Sri Durga?

12. Worship of Shiv take us to Krishn. Worship to Krishn take us to Sri Radha(form of Durga) Who is actually Supreme? Shiv? Krsn? Durga?

13. In the Shiv Rahasya Chapter in the Skanda Purana, there is a shloka of 40 verses where Vishnu praises Lord Shiv as the Ultimate truth etc. but srimad bhagwatan says Lord Krishn is the Ultimate truth.

14. In Padma Puran it is written, Lord Ram installed Rameshwar (Lord Shiv) deity and worshiped Him. On the second hand, Valmiki Ramayan is silent. Now either Padma Puran is right or Valmiki Ramayan.

15. Why does Lord Krishn praised Lord Shiv and Durga Maa as ‘THE ORGIN OF THE CREATION’ several times? He didn’t praise anyone else like that. What was the reason which made Lord Krishn to speak that? Did He lie? I guess He never Lies. Right? On the one hand He is saying He is Supreme. On the Other Hand He is praising THEM Supreme also.

16. When Lord Vishnu is the part of Lord Krishn according to Brahmvavrta Puran but on the other hand Vishnu and other Purans say that Lord Krishn is the part of Godhead Vishnu, then who is Supreme? Is Golok Supreme or Vaikunth?

There are so many questions and so many differences in Purans, I can write a good book on that. But let me tell you the answer of all questions.

Never do worship of Shiv because He is Vaishnav. It is somehow you are committing offense. Ok He is Vaishnav but in many Scriptures it is also mentioned that Lord Krishn worshiped Lord Shiv. So should we worship Lord Krishn as the greatest SHAIV? NO. We should worship both of THEM as The Supreme Personalities.

I do not see any point in arguing then that this idol is supreme compared to the other idols unless I forget what the ideal behind the idol stands for. This is the reason I believe that Bhakti without proper understanding can lead to fanaticism. History indicates that there were Vaishnavaits and Saivates who were killing each other in the name of Bhakti. This was no different from what Muslims did and still do and Christian did through crusade wars and still does by converting masses now by showing a caret instead of sword. In a same manner, Gyan without Bhakti can lead to intellectual arrogance. I feel that with true Bhakti, Gyan should develop; and with Gyan, Bhakti should develop. This we can see in our lives. We need the devotion (Bhakti) to achieve the goal we seek – And we develop understanding (Gyan) of the goal as we devoutly work to achieve it. These are similar to the two wings of a bird. So I do not see any meaning in arguing that Bhakti is superior to Gyan or Gyan is superior to Bhakti. Start anywhere that appeals to you -Bhakti or Gyan - if you have true devotion to the Lord, Bhakti, or true Gyan, a clear understanding, then one should develop the other. That in fact becomes the definition of what a true Bhakti or real Gyan is! Bhakti is not exhibition of intense emotionalism and Gyan is not the knowledge of the scriptures. These are neither necessary nor sufficient, and many a time can even be an obstruction if this is not supported by true Bhakti or true Gyan. Guidance from a proper teacher will help in avoiding our falling into these traps of fanaticism or arrogance. Ofcourse by definition “a proper teacher” does not guide us in the direction of fanaticism because that in the final analysis leads to self destruction.

At the end, everyone should know, as I have mentioned above there are 5 Supreme Personalities according to all Hindu scriptures. Every Sampradaya which are known as religious schools has their own syllabus from the authentic scriptures which contain, who is their Supreme Godhead, how to attain Bhakti to make Godhead happy, how to reach the higher level, what is the difference between the Brahm, Jeev and Maya, What is the ultimate goal? Etc

Because of their syllabuses we find so many theories, differences in our Hindu religion. Because when they talk in their syllabuses about their Godhead, they put other Gods down. Because of that innocent devotees get fanatic. According to Padma Puran, Four Vaisnava disciplic successions, inaugurated by Sri, Lord Brahma, Lord Rudra, and Sanaka, one of the four Kumaras, according to the scriptural source, appear in the holy place of Jaganatha Puri, and purify the entire earth during the Kali yuga (believed to be the current age in Hinduism). Sri chooses Ramanuja to represent her disciple succession. In the same way Lord Brahma chose Madhvacharya in Brahma sampradaya, Rudra chose Visnuswami in Rudra Sampradaya, and the four Kumaras chose Nimbaditya (Nimbarka Sampradaya).” Number of traditions due to assumption of the god-like status of their founder, rejected the parent sampradaya in favour of the new, as would be an example with Ramanandis, Gaudiya, Vallabhacharya and Swaminarayan. Shiv followers have also main sampradasy such as Samart Sampraday, Nandinatha Sampradaya, Adinath Sampradaya, Siva Advaita, Kashmir Shaivism, Pasupata, etc there is a one Sampraday for Shakti also. There are other schools of Yog like Hatha yog, Integral Yog who do the meditation of Brahm-The Supreme Personality, and few other philosophies like Nyaya, Samkhya, Vaisheshika, Purva mimamsa etc. Every other philosophy lead us to the ultimate goal.

If devotee wants to get rid of these confusions and philosophies, then he should follow one path ( any sampraday) which sounds appealing to him and helps him to gain the bhakti to reach the last goal. Because lastly every other Sampraday talks about Brahm-The Supreme soul. Vaishnav only read vaishnav scriptures and believe on that, Shaivs only read Lord Shiv scriptures and become fanatic. I would suggest to everyone, Follow one and respect everyone.

Seva Mahotsav was finishing on 15th of December 2008, and I had my first official Srimad Bhagwat Katha from 18th of December. I needed to prepare for that. For the first time I was going to face thousands of devotees and it was officially the time for me to act as a spiritual master. Due to the preparations I needed to do for this katha, I took a few days off from the altar. However, during this time, Lord Krishn played His lila on me. There was one very sincere devotee who I had blind faith on and I used to think that he is a role model for new devotees and that he could be a good inspiration for anyone but after I took my days off the alter, I found out few of his lies on some issues. I tried to calm myself down and asked him to confess as I had all the evidence lying in front of me, which was proving him to be a big time liar. He started to make false stories to prove himself right and I was shocked and felt used. On every one of his lies, I was feeling as if someone was stabbing me behind my back and I didn’t want to believe that a sincere devotee like him could speak lies. I got so disturbed. All of my followers and near & dear ones know I hate lies. If one can’t speak the truth in this world, is there any chance of that person speaking the truth to God? God resides in everyone’s heart. If we are lying to His devotees, we actually are lying to Him. I started to think, why did I even think to make him a role model for my devotees when she is lying to me after I gave him plenty of chances to confess? What kind of scriptures did he study till now? What kind of association has he had? I got so disturbed and started to point my finger on his every step. I started to think why is there any need to lie?

Due to this incident, I stopped my studies. On 17th December I reached Agra city where this katha was going to be held. I was completely unprepared. My disciples asked me if I was ready to speak or not after they saw my condition. I said that as the date is fixed and I have given my word nothing will change. I will not take a step back, either I am ready or not. I am ready to face this challenge. It is the Lord’s illusion and I’m here to recite Srimad Bhagwatam which is non different from the Lord. If the Lord wants me to recite katha, He would let me do it. On 18th December, everyone was busy in preparation and my Guru Maharaj came to attend the program. Before starting the Shrimad Bhagwatam procession, Guru Maharaj asked me if I needed any kind of help. I was so hopeless because I didn’t prepare anything. I didn’t know what would I speak. I asked him to give me some tips. Lastly He said that an Acharya don’t take any tension an that God will show you the right way.

Confidence is the key of my every success. I was confident but wasn’t prepared well enough. After the procession the katha started. It was my first time sitting on the Vyas Aasan and acting as a Guru. After giving the first days class, I went to Gurudev to touch his feet. He took me on the side, and asked me where the nectar was in my katha?  He was disappointed after attending my first days katha. But in a sweet way he realized my mistakes. After he left, I met my maternal uncle who spoke on all my mistakes. I didn’t speak a single word to either of them because on the other hand I was trying to work on that devotee and pushing him to confess for the sake of God. My first impression was bad. After having a long talk with my uncle, I went to meditate and focus on reality. Everyone had big hopes from me and I didn’t want to let them down. After finishing my second days katha I saw the face of one of my followers who looked a bit disturbed, I felt his feelings and he wasn’t happy with the way I was giving class. On the third day I stopped thinking about that boy and focused on my katha. I felt as if this boy was like an illusion and diverting my mind from Harikatha.

I found such a big change in me as well as in the audience. On the first day, a local devotee of Agra told me that not more than 20 people will attend my katha because in the past many big Katha speakers had orgnised their katha in the same venue and never got any success. I replied to them, “Let’s see, God organize this katha and He is listening to the katha. So, I’m not in any tension.”
On my third day, everyone started to jump like anything. They started to feel the big change and were getting the nectar of Hari Katha. After I ignored this boy, he actually came to confess me. I almost fainted seeing the Lord’s lila. I was like… God! What kind of lila is this? The next day, I found my answer in Srimad Bhagwtam, “If you go to maya, you will not get anything. If you come to Me, you will find the real nectar.” On the fourth day, which was the day of Janmastami according to Srimad Bhagwatam and was a Sunday too, I came for katha and found more than a thousand devotees sitting and waiting to hear my katha. I looked at those local devotees and they were speechless.

From that day, the Agra local tv channel started to broadcast my katha and all the big personalities of Agra started to come. Many of them used to escape their offices to hear katha.

On the last day, I remember that moment when I was leaving and devotees were crying and running behind my car. They were touching my feet, grabbing to hug me, crying for more hari katha. The love, the care, the affection I got from them in 7 days is unforgettable.

I born in a spiritual family but I had a pressure to finish my academic studies first before join the spiritual world. My respected Guru Maharaj wanted me to understand materialism first. After I finished my studies, I was ready to begin my spiritual life but I had a big doubt in me. Is there really God exist? I actually was not ready to act as a spiritual master and speak such things which I doubted.

By the mercy of Guru and Gaurang, I had chosen CHANTING as a tool to find God. I started to do practice. One should remember so many things for chanting, such as Aasan, Jap Mala, concentration, tilak, mantra, etc. If one sits on the ground (without aasan) for chanting get sadness in result, on wood he would get misfortune, on bamboo he would loss his family, on stone he would get sick, on grass he would get dis fame, on leaf aasan his mind would distract and on the cloth aasan he will loose the fruit of his jap. (Brahmand Purana) One should use proper aasan such as woolen, kusa, etc

We are not allowed to chant when we are engaged in other works. I find many devotees who walk with the vedic tool (Jap mala) on their necks or chant mantras while walking here and there. They all are committing offenses. While shoes are on, they are touching Jap Mala. Is that vedic tool or a toy? Why are you making it impure? Why don’t you enter in the temple with shoes on? God wants to see your devotion not body , cloths and shoes. Right? 108 beads of mala is a vedic tool. We are not even supposed to shake our bead bag while chanting. Do you remember any sage photograph who is chanting and his hand which is holding bead bag, on one ‘T’ shape wooden stick? Have you ever thought why did he use that? Lord says, if you move your bead bag, you would loose the fruit of your jap. In the history of Sanatan religion, not a single guru walked with his Jap Mala here and there or chanted. We are supposed to touch that after take the bath/shower, with clean cloths, sitting on a one place for chanting. 27 beads of mala is allowed to use for daily chanting and by that mala we can walk here and there. It is not even allowed in our religion. It is actually allowed in every religion.

Jewish chants on 27 rosemary beads mala, Sikh chants on 27 iron beads mala, Buddh monks chants on 27 beads, Hindus chant on 27 beads, Muslims chant on 27 beads. Chanting is a science. How can we forget the time? It is a major factor. According to scriptures, if we are going to wear new cloths, to put bangles, to buy new land, to give money to someone, to buy or sell property, to start a new business, to buy a vehicle, wedding, yagya, chanting etc everything has a particular time. Eventually, there are different effects if we start something new on different timings. Good and bad also. All achrayas never forget to suggest good timings to their followers. I personally have tried all timings upon me to check their effects before become a spiritual master. By some timing I have seen some sudden deaths of my dear ones because I started puja on wrong moment.  In fact, devotees those who know me have seen me how physically sick I used to be. Because I had done some chanting during bad times which affects body. There are timings of everything, if we start our chanting or puja for some motive. Such thing happens. No one can stop them to happen. Time is the major factor. Some devotees say, Brahm Muhurat is always good to start chanting. It is not true, not a single scripture proves that.

Some devotees do their routine japs everyday. Then they stop it for 10-15 days and start it again when they find time. It is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Because of such things they survive in their devotional life.

Sometimes devotee asks me, In gaudiyas we don’t have such rules. I always say, Gaudiya follow each and every rule. In whole Caitanya Charitamrta or in any scripture it is not written that one should chant on the Jap Mala while he walks here and there. Very clearly it is written, Chant holy name of Lord. Nowhere in the portraits of Caitanya Mahaprabhu or any achraya you can find Bead Bag on their hands while they were walking or doing some work. One can do chanting without bead bag also. There is a difference in Harinaam and Mahamantra. Harinaam is Harinaam when you chant without bead bag but it converts into a mahamantra when you use vedic tool (Jap Mala). One starts to fall down while he chants without rules. Shri Caitanya Mahaprabhu asked us to chant harinaam. In the history of Gaudiya sampradaya any achraya (64 mahants & all goswamis) never walked with their bead bags. By Jap Mala we connect ourselves with God. It needs full concentration. On top of that, we are not allowed to do South facing while we are chanting. In the artha ved and Garuda Puran it is prohibited for Vaishnavs. Yam is the God of south side.

Some devotees ask me, is there any need of such rules? God see devotion only. Lets take a example, there is a one student who is studying in school. He is genius but he breaks all rules. Would you call him perfect? If you would break rules then definitely you would pay for them. On the other side, there is another student, who is genius and disciplined. He would be known as perfect student. Did I or any other human being make these rules? NO. in many cases, Lord Krsn gave these rules to His devotees. Chanting and other pujas need devotion as well as discipline. We can’t break rules on the sake of devotion.

Many female devotees chant on the japmala when they are on their monthly cycle.  They are committing big offense. Story comes in Padma Puran of Lord Krsn and Yudhistar where Lord Krsn said, “Those women will go to Hell and suffer a lot.” Every other Smriti (law books of sanatan dharma) stop them. Not even in our religion our Lords stop. Bible reveals the same fact as well as Quran. Women are not even allowed to visit temples. In Indian temples, you can find one specialty. Most of all temple has one window or door in front of the deity room, from there women who are  on their cycle and Sudra can take darshan without entering the temple. Now question arise, how will they do their routine jap? If they are alone then how would they do worship of their lords. In such circumstances, they can call any other devotee to take care of those deities or they can ask someone to put dry fruits in front the Gods and ask them to eat until they are not cleaned. During their period they are not allowed to touch japmala or sit on the aasan or do any kind of service of God. They can chant without japmala. After cycle they must cover up those rounds which were missed during that time.

If you are chanting on japmala any mantra even Mahamantra also, you should recite mahamantra with proper pronunciation. NO KRSNA. only KRSN. Lord’s name is not KRSNA. Every scripture reveal only KRSN not KRSNA. In fact KRSNA is a name of Shani dev (Saturn). NO RAMA. Chant simply RAM. My name is Chandan Goswami, it is a male name. If someone starts to call me CHANDANA which is female name, how would I feel? We have one Achraya Shri Roop Goswami. Devotees call him RupA Goswami which is again a female name. Are you committing offense? If we change the gender of your name, how would you feel? We all know  the importance of Tilak and shikha (ponytail) as well.

There are a lot to do when one go for chanting. I tried to follow each and every rule according to scriptures to find God. After did my first Sadhna of life. One morning, I was on the roof and looking at the Sun. For a while I forget everything and I lose my consciousness and all of a sudden a heavy rainfall came. I saw in my super consciousness that a big light, which was full of blue and golden colours like a sun in the river, along with some structure, came in front of me. I never forget that light and he told me that your birth is more useful if you follow the path of God. He said “I am always with you from now onwards and will guide you from time to time” and when my conscious returned back, after 15 minutes, I found not even a single drop of water around me. After this, I got a surprised occasion to read Srimad Bhagwatam and feel God came in a similar manner many times.

The important words of such light and structure are “aim of my life”. After this happening (now every second I feel spiritual experiences but it was my turning point) my life is totally turned and changed towards Spiritual Bhakti and aim is to serve the world without any self interest. Now by God High Command’s grace I am having real experience of Bhakti Vibration and meditation last many years. I must say I’m lucky to have Him in my life but Still a part of me wants to see His naughty lilas. Alas! Krsn, I want to be a witness of your lilas, when will you allow this brijwasi? I want to see that naughty smile which steals everyone’s conciousness. I want to see how you serve our Radharani. I want to see how do you play with brijwasis. Why my Lord always go on the silent mode when I ask such questions? I only find a smile on His face. Is He teasing me?

After I had gotten the beautiful blessings of Mahakaal, I made the crazy program to go from Kaal (Mahakaal) to OM (Omkareshwar). I am using the word crazy because we had to catch a train at 6 in the evening from Ujjain and the Omkareshwar temple was a 4 to 5 hrs run by car and we had to make it on time, no matter what. It was already 7 in the morning. I made Yogesh agree to this trip. I told him, that we would be leaving by 8. Maybe we would reach Omkareshwar around 12. One hr for the temple, then 1 hr for lunch and 4 to 5 hrs to come back. I knew i had made a tight program. But I was full of spiritual energy and wanted to feel more.

I remember that when we left, the driver stopped the car at one shop for breakfast. Yogesh asked for the price for one plate of Poha (special breakfast of that state). The shopkeeper replied: “4 rupees per plate.”

I could see Yogesh’s expressions.. he ordered. “chaar pack ker do.” (pack 4 plates for takeaway). I looked at him and we laughed like anything. Because it was so cheap.

Apart from laughing, we were really excited about Omkareshwar. Omkareshwar is situated on mountains. When the hilly area started, I recalled beautiful words…

We were spiritually recharged. This beautiful nature, the cool breeze and peaceful environment made us speechless.

After we reached there,  we went to the Mamleshwar temple which was established by Ravana on the bank of the Narmada river. On the other side of the river the Omkareshwar temple was situated.

We heard that the Temple would close by 13:20. Everything was so cheap. We hired a boat for Rs 10 and reached the other side. For one rupee we got lots of flowers and ‘bel’ leafs. We reached the temple by 13:10. God! The Temple is closed. One panda (guide) came. He said it closes at 13:00 and opens at 14:00. I was depressed, looked at Yogesh, he said, lets wait. We have made this trip. So lets take darshan.

I was worried because of the train. I sat down and started to wait. We were in the queue, after 15 mins. one devotee came and told me, enter from the back side gate. The temple is still open, my eyes sparkled. Ahhh… God sent a messenger. I ran to the back side gate with Yogesh. A few devotees, who got to the temple after us, were coming out from there. I was now fully sure. We approached the gatekeeper but he didn’t allow us in. I asked Yogesh if he (gatekeeper) would take a bribe. Indian style

Wow! He denied. I was desperate to get the darshan as soon as i could. I started to look for any corrupt pujari who could take us inside.

After two mins of seeking my eyes spotted one guy’s face. Search completed. He was sitting all alone. I became confident and told Yogesh to watch. I went to this guy who seemed to be a pujari. I asked him if he could take us in for darshan. He denied.

Kitna loge? (How much money do you want?) I asked.

Kitna doge? (How much would you give me?) He replied. (Genuinely it shows how corrupt he was)

Maharaj pahle aap to batao? (you say, how much do you want?) I asked again.

He asked me, how many people?

Two I said.

Rs. 300

Technically I started to bargain with him. I got him down to Rs. 100

He went to talk with the main priest and granted us the permission to take darshan for 2 mins. I became so happy. When you are in Bhaav (devotional mood) 2 mins are nothing. I thought, something is better than nothing. Yogesh complained, Guru, I didnt like this hurry darshan. - We were lucky enough to make it, I pointed to the queue and said, we were supposed to sit there and chant a waiting mantra. Don’t worry, we will make another trip soon. At the same time, pride arose in me. For only Rs 100 I got the darshan of the MAIN temple of Lord Shiv. How cheap this darshan was. I started to laugh and in such a blindness i made calls to a couple of my friends to show them how smart i was in bargaining. I became proud.
We safely reached the train on time, but on the way back I got a fever. I told a few people in the train about the height of corruption and how i dealed with it by telling my bargaining story.

On the next day at  3 in the early morning Yogesh said, Get ready, we are reaching Mathura. I went to the compartment gate with my luggage. Yogesh was at the gate. We approached the Mathura railway station but the train didnt stop. Yogesh said, I guess the train is stopping here. I don’t know what happened to me but I pulled him back and jumped from the running train and started to scream “YOGESH JUMP!!!” but he didn’t. The train stopped at the end of the platform.

After a minute i realized, i was injured. Half of my nail was broken down from the toe and I was bleeding.

Yogesh showed his anger to me. In my whole life I never took such a stupid decision. I was shocked and was thinking why did I do that? At 3:15 in the morning we couldn’t visit any doctor or were able to get first aid.

I told Yogesh, Get an autorikshaw and lets go to Vrindavan. In the meanwhile, I started to think, whatsoever Yogesh did on this trip I did too. Why didnt he get this punishment? What was my mistake?

The next moment I heard our Auto rickshaw driver, He was speaking to Yogesh, “Money blinds people. I’m asking genuine charges for Vrindavan.”

I got my answer. We went as Brijwasis to visit those temples. As a Brijwasi Vaishnavs we got everything. Yogesh wanted to wait for the darshan. But I was being in a hurry and committed that offense. After paying the bribe I got the fever in Omkareshwar and after this punishment when I was putting my first step into Brij, I got hurt. In Brij, Lord Radha & Krsn want Love & Devotion. They dont want money, pride, selfishness. Somehow I laughed at His great Vaishnav. “Such a cheap darshan” It was definite, by such steps He could become unhappy. I had got the punishment and asked Him to forgive me. I started to cry, it was such an instant reaction from the Lord’s side. It means???? Is He really taking care of me? Does he always watch every of my steps?

I guess, I know my answers.

Life gets really miserable when God doesn’t give you that thing which you look forward to getting from Him. Devotees write and ask me why don’t I write my experiences on my blog? Why don’t I update this blog like others do? I write my experiences when i start to forget. I only write when my heart speaks and when something really happens in my life. I only write when I really believe that just now I met God. I don’t want to express my madness, my foolishness, my craziness here which makes me feel God is everywhere. Today, for the first time i’m feeling more than lucky to be born here in the Holy Dham of Sri Vrindavan, in a Brahmin* family, in a Goswami family, in the service of Shri Radharaman dev. With other deities we do the installation ceremony but Shri Radharaman ji is the real Lord. How blessed I am to be a member of Shri Radharaman dev family.

Last one month I was dying to get Mahakaal (Lord Shiv) darshan in Ujjain but failed to make the trip. At last with frustration, I booked my tickets and called my cousin to give me company on this holy trip. I have never been to Ujjain before. I went to Shri Radharaman dev and asked Him to give me permission for Lord Shiv darshan. With some excitement we left from Vrindavan. Due to my cousin’s busy schedule I made a one day trip. And I was only going there to attend the ashes aarti which was held at 3:30 in the morning. While I was in the train I was worried because I didn’t know how to enter and get the darshan in the very crowded temple of India at 3 in the morning. We had to register our names somewhere. Not everyone can participate in the morning aarti. I had no clue how to get entry. On the very next moment one couple came and sat on our seats. The talk began; they came to know we were from Sri Vrindavan. This couple seemed very much enthusiastic to know everything about the glories of Vrindavan. The man was a civil engineer at the Railway Corporation and the woman was Bhanjan singer of Bhopal City. We told them that we were going to Ujjain. Then this devotee arranged our meeting with the temple priest there. He gave us all contact details which I actually needed. He arranged everything for us.
After we reached there, we were so tired and the heat was killing us.
“Bhaiya! We are not getting rain”, the auto rickshaw driver said.
“Now Vrindavan is here, today you will get some rain”. both of us replied.
Yogesh and me looked each other in the face, why did we say that? Our auto stopped in front of the Hotel. God!! Rain started!!!!
The auto driver looked at us and we were like, see… we told you… Really, only God knows how it happened?

In the evening we got ready to visit this temple priest. He told us, after taking darshan, make a call. After we attended the evening aarti of Mahakaal we made a call. But his mobile was switched off. I became really worried. Yogesh said, “Brother! Let’s go and find out where he lives.” We only had his mobile number. No name, no address and it was raining. I looked up and turned to God with frustration and asked him, what is this? Then we started to go to nearby shops and houses with the mobile number to ask if anyone knew this number. It took hardly 15 mins to find the priest. We reached his house. He was doing his Sandhya. After he got free, he told us that Sandipani muni was his forefather. He gave us two passes for the ashes aarti.

“Come early and get the front seats. I wont be there”, the priest said.
“Okay”, I replied.

After visiting a few more temples we got back to the hotel room. At 11.30 in the night I got a call from the priest.
“I don’t know what happened after meeting you. I am coming in the morning and will take you to the ashes aarti and puja”, the priest said.
I simply replied: “Okay.”

At 2:30 in the morning we woke up, took shower and reached the temple at 3:00 am. Bunches of devotees were in the queue already. My eyes were waiting for the priest. I was wearing Kurta and Pajama which was not allowed for morning aarti. We were supposed to wear only Dhoti. Yogesh was wearing one but I was not. The priest arrived. He arranged a dhoti for me. He bought two jars for us. After entering the temple, we filled our jars at temple kund. Lord Shiv only accepts this kund’s holy water.

After we poured the holy water on Him, the priest kept us in the deity room. Hundreds of devotees sat down in the courtyard to watch the abhishek, srngaar (make up), ashes aarti and mangla aarti.
Dozens of priests and pandas were in the deity room with us. We were the only new faces amongst them. Alas! Morning Abhishek started, such a beautiful darshan. We never imagined to be a part of this abhishek. I looked outside, hundreds of devotees were sitting there, but only we were the lucky ones here, very near to the greatest Vaishnav Lord Shiv. A Brijwasi (I) did the pranam to Lord Shiv on the behalf of Brij.

After this wonderful abhishek we came out from the deity room. Now again I became worried. All seats were full. How would we take darshan of ashes aarti? All of a sudden, a cop who was handling this affair, said: “Radhe Radhe!! Sit in the front row.” Every other single devotee was staring at us.
We had a very classic darshan of Mahakaal. Such an amazing atmosphere, I could feel so much energy in there. I was trying to live each and every moment.

After the incredible ashes aarti, the cop told everyone to make a queue. Now it was time that we could do puja. One by one we started to enter the temple room.

The main priest called us. In between of hundreds of VIPs, we got the chance to do the first puja. Yogesh touched Mahakaal and right in this moment a garland dropped from the Mahakaal deity and fell on his hand. He looked at me with the question, “Chandan did you see? I got the real blessing.” I shook my head. Yes, Lucky champ!!

Our priest took us to the courtyard. He told us, sit here while he is doing preparation for Rudra-abhishek.
After a long while, the cop told us to leave, because no one was allowed to sit there, and everyone was complaining to him. I could see everyone’s jealousy. It was but natural. We were being lucky and they were not.

While we got ready to leave the priest came and took us into the deity room. Now everyone came to know that we were from Sri Dham Vrindavan. In the deity room, they started to greet us with “Radhe Radhe!!”
I remember this lady cop who was on duty for the ladies in the deity room, was taking care of us like we were VIPs. The Pujaris were saying Radhe Radhe instead of Jai Mahakaal. We felt like Vrindavan is here in Ujjain.
In the very packed deity room where no one was allowed to stay more than 5 minutes, we got the very safe place, did Rudra-abhishek and other pujas for quite a long time.

When we finished, I gave my dandavat to the Lord thanking Him for making this brijwasis’ trip so incredible.
A few devotees caught us and hugged us to get a feeling of Vrindavan.

I made a thank you call to that gentleman who met us in the train. I told him what we got. He was amazed and told me, “Maharaj ji I go there every month, you got everything because you are a Brijwasi and a Goswami of Lord Krsna temple. Mahakaal was really happy to see both of you, that is why He gave you that opportunity which he never gives to anyone”

I never thought in my life that I could get the opportunity to serve Him in this nicest way. When we left Vrindavan we didn’t know anything. We were worried. But within a few hrs we became so close to this city and Mahakaal. We got those things which a normal devotee never gets. How could I forget that it is the place where my Lord Krsna studied in Sandipani muni’s ashram, the place where we celebrate the kumbh mela, the place which is the navel of India, the place where we worship the Lord of time, the place where one of the main Lord shiv’s lingas is situated… it is such a powerful place, and i personally am highly obliged and indebted to Lord Shiv who made our trip so memorable. It feels like home and now I understand, why my Lord Krsna had chosen this place for His studies.

*(those who say Brahmins are by karma not by birth, hide one fact of the scriptures, Basically only those people speak this who are not a Brahmin by birth. Scriptures reveals both facts, Brahmins are genuinely Brahmin by birth. By karma only 3 castes can get the brahmintatv which is not easy to get in kalyug. And each and every vedic scriptures reveal this)

Sometimes a moment of your life puts you in confusion. Sometimes a moment of your life never leaves you alone. Sometimes a moment of your life makes you feel, “You lost this opportunity.” Last year I went to meet a very old Vaishnav near Sudama Kuti. His hut was situated on the parikrama marg near Jagannath Ghat. A great Vaishnav who used to spend day and night chanting the Holy names and for food he used to do Madhukari. He used to wake up at 2:30 in the early morning. For most of us it is late night or it is time to sleep but I found amazing dedication in him.

He was a bengali scholar who had learnt all Gaudiya Scriptures. I had a doubt on a few Bengali texts.

I entered his small kutiya.

Baba! Jai Gaur!! I said.

He looked at me. Alas! Gaurango! He became so happy. He stood up from his aasan and gave me a full sastang. He said, “Gaurango! Aapni aamar Gaurarayaa”(Gauranga! You are my Gauranga!) I was shocked by this act. Many of our disciples from Bengal call me Gauranga and many norths Indian call me Krsna. But I never take them seriously, but why is this Vaishnava acting in this manner? Why did he that? I was mystified. He offered me the aasan. He started to stare at me with a sweet smile. Tears were rolling on his cheeks.

Gaurango! Where were you? He asked me.

Dada, I am Chandan Goswami from Sri Radharaman Temple, not Gauranga. I replied.

No. No. No. You don’t know who you are. Maybe, later you will realize. You are my Gaurango, everyones’ Gaurango. I’m blessed you are here, he said again.

Now I felt embarrassed by his answer. How would you feel when anyone compares you to God? What would you feel when someone calls you by the Lords name? How would you act if someone tells you to accept, you are God?

I smiled at him. Would you help me out? I asked.

Gaurango!! Help me out!! I need your blessings. He replied.

This was irritating. I had no choice other than to give a smile. I said my blessings are always with you.

After that I had a healthy discussion with him. He cleared many things for me which are now wrongly propagated in our Gaudiyas. After blessed this great vaishnav again, I came out from his hut. It was late evening, I was tired and it was hot, and the cool breeze of the Yamuna quickly refreshed me. The whole atmosphere was enchanting, with temples bells, Yamuna, Cows, Vaishnavs and Harinaam kirtan.

On the way back, I was passing Bhoot Gali. This small alley is near to the Gopeshwar temple. There is no light in the night, fully dark. That is why they named this small alley Bhoot gali (Ghost Street). I was walking through this street. Then a dog barked quite near to me. For a moment I got frightened. Oh! Sri Radha Raman!! Why are you scaring your brijwasi? So bad of you. Hardly I could have seen something there. I started to blame myself, why did I choose this street? I could have chosen another road. I didn’t even bring a torch. In between of the fighting of my thoughts one voice touched my ear.

“Kyu darr lag raho hai kaa bhaiya??” Are you afraid?

I was like Krsnaaaa why are you making me scared again?

A Small boy appeared next to me with a lamp. I barely saw his face.

Yeah! Little bit. I replied.

I knew it. That’s why I’m here, to show you the road. Follow me, he said.

I followed him to the end of the road. He came on my back side as there was some lights on the street. He said, “Shaam hai gayi hai.. ghar jaano hai naay toh maiya maaregi.” (Its late evening; have to go back to home otherwise my mother will beat me)

I turned back to thank him. What? He is not here? I cant see his lamp light. I cant see him anywhere. I searched him out there. He was nowhere.

Instantly a question raised, WHO WAS THAT? Brijwasi Boy? Or Krsn Himself? In Vrindavan no one uses Kerosene Lamps now. Goddddddddd.. was it You? Oh! Krsna did You come to show me the path? Was it You who was walking ahead of me. Why was I not lucky to see Your beautiful face? Why was I not lucky to have Your darshan?? I went back to the spot where he left me. He was Krsna, No one can appear in a second and disappear in a moment… I took Dust and applied it onto my body with the hope to become pure.

Still sometimes, that moment of my life makes me feel that I had lost the opportunity to see His Divine face and touch His Lotus feet.

Radhe Radhe!! Devotees ask me, why in this small age I came in this devotional life? Let me share one hidden fact of my life. I have a very different passion. I basically started to read scriptures for God. I used to read scriptures to find a way to meet God. And I have done different types of Sadhnaa just for this passion. I never seen God but has felt HIS presence so many times… Memories are faded but let me share one incident, when I was in 6th standard. I used to hear all pandas in nidhivan (I get the whole view of Nidhivan from my room and Rang Mahal in nidhivan is just few yards far from my house) “Sri Radha ji and Sri Krishna ji perform their Raas (dance) here and after that they sleep in Rang Mahal (bedroom)” they used to speak all mythologies of Nidhivan.

One day I decided, Chandan! No one is at home and it’s a time to watch Raas of this divine couple. I sent one servant to buy one liter of milk, Cold drinks etc for my decided Jaagran.

It was a summer time; Temple got closed at 8 in the evening. I sat down in my balcony after that… All night long I was in my balcony, Didn’t see anything and after 6:00 am my sleep caught me in the balcony, but yeah next morning my servant appeared with a bill of cold drinks.

You know sometimes when your heart speaks to you and those things happen. It happens with me most of all time. How do you feel when you know it is spiritual and devotional work but your mood doesn’t support you? You feel like ya ya!! Whatsoever it is, I’m not in the mood to do. (This is how we commit sin)

In the evening, Humidity was on the peek, no wind, I was crazily sweating and my dearest cousin brother cum friend asked me for Vrindavan Parikrama. On the same moment, I thought wow! Crazy!! I thought to say NO but it was somehow a sin, I asked him to postponed parikrama till next morning and let’s go for Sri Radharamanji’s 108 Parikrama.

After had a heavy discussion, Yogesh Goswami won I got ready for parikrama. My body and mood were not supporting me to do this devotional service.

From the beginning of Parikrama I started to bang him by questions while he was chanting. It was my time when I had committed second apraadha. I knew it something would happen to me, but I was assured it would help me to find GOD. If I commit apraadh He would surely come to punish ME. We do karma and He gives the fruit.

After a km or half I got first blister. Wow! First time I am getting this. God doesn’t want to come.. hhmmmm.. When I finished 3 kms parikrama I was kind of dead by humidity, got 4 blisters as so far. My every single step was telling me, “Chandan! You are done, take a rickshaw and go back.” I literally asked Yogesh, “Maharaj Can I please hire one rickshaw.” First time in my life, these things were happening during Vrindavan Parikrama. I was really dead.

Yogesh replied, as you wish, you go! I will catch you at home.

My heart said, Chandan! If God used to come to sinner then each n every sinner would be a saint. Soon the day comes when you would feel HIM. Be practical and don’t commit sins.

I was surprised, Yogesh is giving parikrama after couple of years and he is not getting any blisters and Chandan YOU?? 4?

From that moment I decided. NO rickshaw, NO support, I have to prove I can do anything for God. It was really hard; my pain was getting really worse. I wanted to cut my legs. Will-power was there, but we can’t do everything by only will-power. We need to be physically strong enough to face the reality.

It was hard to concentrate but it would be only the way to forget the pain. After a short break, I became capable to chant His name and somehow gave Parikrama. Overall, whole experience of parikrama was weird though. But my heart was enlightened with the Hope to see HIM soon.