After I had gotten the beautiful blessings of Mahakaal, I made the crazy program to go from Kaal (Mahakaal) to OM (Omkareshwar). I am using the word crazy because we had to catch a train at 6 in the evening from Ujjain and the Omkareshwar temple was a 4 to 5 hrs run by car and we had to make it on time, no matter what. It was already 7 in the morning. I made Yogesh agree to this trip. I told him, that we would be leaving by 8. Maybe we would reach Omkareshwar around 12. One hr for the temple, then 1 hr for lunch and 4 to 5 hrs to come back. I knew i had made a tight program. But I was full of spiritual energy and wanted to feel more.

I remember that when we left, the driver stopped the car at one shop for breakfast. Yogesh asked for the price for one plate of Poha (special breakfast of that state). The shopkeeper replied: “4 rupees per plate.”

I could see Yogesh’s expressions.. he ordered. “chaar pack ker do.” (pack 4 plates for takeaway). I looked at him and we laughed like anything. Because it was so cheap.

Apart from laughing, we were really excited about Omkareshwar. Omkareshwar is situated on mountains. When the hilly area started, I recalled beautiful words…

We were spiritually recharged. This beautiful nature, the cool breeze and peaceful environment made us speechless.

After we reached there,  we went to the Mamleshwar temple which was established by Ravana on the bank of the Narmada river. On the other side of the river the Omkareshwar temple was situated.

We heard that the Temple would close by 13:20. Everything was so cheap. We hired a boat for Rs 10 and reached the other side. For one rupee we got lots of flowers and ‘bel’ leafs. We reached the temple by 13:10. God! The Temple is closed. One panda (guide) came. He said it closes at 13:00 and opens at 14:00. I was depressed, looked at Yogesh, he said, lets wait. We have made this trip. So lets take darshan.

I was worried because of the train. I sat down and started to wait. We were in the queue, after 15 mins. one devotee came and told me, enter from the back side gate. The temple is still open, my eyes sparkled. Ahhh… God sent a messenger. I ran to the back side gate with Yogesh. A few devotees, who got to the temple after us, were coming out from there. I was now fully sure. We approached the gatekeeper but he didn’t allow us in. I asked Yogesh if he (gatekeeper) would take a bribe. Indian style

Wow! He denied. I was desperate to get the darshan as soon as i could. I started to look for any corrupt pujari who could take us inside.

After two mins of seeking my eyes spotted one guy’s face. Search completed. He was sitting all alone. I became confident and told Yogesh to watch. I went to this guy who seemed to be a pujari. I asked him if he could take us in for darshan. He denied.

Kitna loge? (How much money do you want?) I asked.

Kitna doge? (How much would you give me?) He replied. (Genuinely it shows how corrupt he was)

Maharaj pahle aap to batao? (you say, how much do you want?) I asked again.

He asked me, how many people?

Two I said.

Rs. 300

Technically I started to bargain with him. I got him down to Rs. 100

He went to talk with the main priest and granted us the permission to take darshan for 2 mins. I became so happy. When you are in Bhaav (devotional mood) 2 mins are nothing. I thought, something is better than nothing. Yogesh complained, Guru, I didnt like this hurry darshan. - We were lucky enough to make it, I pointed to the queue and said, we were supposed to sit there and chant a waiting mantra. Don’t worry, we will make another trip soon. At the same time, pride arose in me. For only Rs 100 I got the darshan of the MAIN temple of Lord Shiv. How cheap this darshan was. I started to laugh and in such a blindness i made calls to a couple of my friends to show them how smart i was in bargaining. I became proud.
We safely reached the train on time, but on the way back I got a fever. I told a few people in the train about the height of corruption and how i dealed with it by telling my bargaining story.

On the next day at  3 in the early morning Yogesh said, Get ready, we are reaching Mathura. I went to the compartment gate with my luggage. Yogesh was at the gate. We approached the Mathura railway station but the train didnt stop. Yogesh said, I guess the train is stopping here. I don’t know what happened to me but I pulled him back and jumped from the running train and started to scream “YOGESH JUMP!!!” but he didn’t. The train stopped at the end of the platform.

After a minute i realized, i was injured. Half of my nail was broken down from the toe and I was bleeding.

Yogesh showed his anger to me. In my whole life I never took such a stupid decision. I was shocked and was thinking why did I do that? At 3:15 in the morning we couldn’t visit any doctor or were able to get first aid.

I told Yogesh, Get an autorikshaw and lets go to Vrindavan. In the meanwhile, I started to think, whatsoever Yogesh did on this trip I did too. Why didnt he get this punishment? What was my mistake?

The next moment I heard our Auto rickshaw driver, He was speaking to Yogesh, “Money blinds people. I’m asking genuine charges for Vrindavan.”

I got my answer. We went as Brijwasis to visit those temples. As a Brijwasi Vaishnavs we got everything. Yogesh wanted to wait for the darshan. But I was being in a hurry and committed that offense. After paying the bribe I got the fever in Omkareshwar and after this punishment when I was putting my first step into Brij, I got hurt. In Brij, Lord Radha & Krsn want Love & Devotion. They dont want money, pride, selfishness. Somehow I laughed at His great Vaishnav. “Such a cheap darshan” It was definite, by such steps He could become unhappy. I had got the punishment and asked Him to forgive me. I started to cry, it was such an instant reaction from the Lord’s side. It means???? Is He really taking care of me? Does he always watch every of my steps?

I guess, I know my answers.

Life gets really miserable when God doesn’t give you that thing which you look forward to getting from Him. Devotees write and ask me why don’t I write my experiences on my blog? Why don’t I update this blog like others do? I write my experiences when i start to forget. I only write when my heart speaks and when something really happens in my life. I only write when I really believe that just now I met God. I don’t want to express my madness, my foolishness, my craziness here which makes me feel God is everywhere. Today, for the first time i’m feeling more than lucky to be born here in the Holy Dham of Sri Vrindavan, in a Brahmin* family, in a Goswami family, in the service of Shri Radharaman dev. With other deities we do the installation ceremony but Shri Radharaman ji is the real Lord. How blessed I am to be a member of Shri Radharaman dev family.

Last one month I was dying to get Mahakaal (Lord Shiv) darshan in Ujjain but failed to make the trip. At last with frustration, I booked my tickets and called my cousin to give me company on this holy trip. I have never been to Ujjain before. I went to Shri Radharaman dev and asked Him to give me permission for Lord Shiv darshan. With some excitement we left from Vrindavan. Due to my cousin’s busy schedule I made a one day trip. And I was only going there to attend the ashes aarti which was held at 3:30 in the morning. While I was in the train I was worried because I didn’t know how to enter and get the darshan in the very crowded temple of India at 3 in the morning. We had to register our names somewhere. Not everyone can participate in the morning aarti. I had no clue how to get entry. On the very next moment one couple came and sat on our seats. The talk began; they came to know we were from Sri Vrindavan. This couple seemed very much enthusiastic to know everything about the glories of Vrindavan. The man was a civil engineer at the Railway Corporation and the woman was Bhanjan singer of Bhopal City. We told them that we were going to Ujjain. Then this devotee arranged our meeting with the temple priest there. He gave us all contact details which I actually needed. He arranged everything for us.
After we reached there, we were so tired and the heat was killing us.
“Bhaiya! We are not getting rain”, the auto rickshaw driver said.
“Now Vrindavan is here, today you will get some rain”. both of us replied.
Yogesh and me looked each other in the face, why did we say that? Our auto stopped in front of the Hotel. God!! Rain started!!!!
The auto driver looked at us and we were like, see… we told you… Really, only God knows how it happened?

In the evening we got ready to visit this temple priest. He told us, after taking darshan, make a call. After we attended the evening aarti of Mahakaal we made a call. But his mobile was switched off. I became really worried. Yogesh said, “Brother! Let’s go and find out where he lives.” We only had his mobile number. No name, no address and it was raining. I looked up and turned to God with frustration and asked him, what is this? Then we started to go to nearby shops and houses with the mobile number to ask if anyone knew this number. It took hardly 15 mins to find the priest. We reached his house. He was doing his Sandhya. After he got free, he told us that Sandipani muni was his forefather. He gave us two passes for the ashes aarti.

“Come early and get the front seats. I wont be there”, the priest said.
“Okay”, I replied.

After visiting a few more temples we got back to the hotel room. At 11.30 in the night I got a call from the priest.
“I don’t know what happened after meeting you. I am coming in the morning and will take you to the ashes aarti and puja”, the priest said.
I simply replied: “Okay.”

At 2:30 in the morning we woke up, took shower and reached the temple at 3:00 am. Bunches of devotees were in the queue already. My eyes were waiting for the priest. I was wearing Kurta and Pajama which was not allowed for morning aarti. We were supposed to wear only Dhoti. Yogesh was wearing one but I was not. The priest arrived. He arranged a dhoti for me. He bought two jars for us. After entering the temple, we filled our jars at temple kund. Lord Shiv only accepts this kund’s holy water.

After we poured the holy water on Him, the priest kept us in the deity room. Hundreds of devotees sat down in the courtyard to watch the abhishek, srngaar (make up), ashes aarti and mangla aarti.
Dozens of priests and pandas were in the deity room with us. We were the only new faces amongst them. Alas! Morning Abhishek started, such a beautiful darshan. We never imagined to be a part of this abhishek. I looked outside, hundreds of devotees were sitting there, but only we were the lucky ones here, very near to the greatest Vaishnav Lord Shiv. A Brijwasi (I) did the pranam to Lord Shiv on the behalf of Brij.

After this wonderful abhishek we came out from the deity room. Now again I became worried. All seats were full. How would we take darshan of ashes aarti? All of a sudden, a cop who was handling this affair, said: “Radhe Radhe!! Sit in the front row.” Every other single devotee was staring at us.
We had a very classic darshan of Mahakaal. Such an amazing atmosphere, I could feel so much energy in there. I was trying to live each and every moment.

After the incredible ashes aarti, the cop told everyone to make a queue. Now it was time that we could do puja. One by one we started to enter the temple room.

The main priest called us. In between of hundreds of VIPs, we got the chance to do the first puja. Yogesh touched Mahakaal and right in this moment a garland dropped from the Mahakaal deity and fell on his hand. He looked at me with the question, “Chandan did you see? I got the real blessing.” I shook my head. Yes, Lucky champ!!

Our priest took us to the courtyard. He told us, sit here while he is doing preparation for Rudra-abhishek.
After a long while, the cop told us to leave, because no one was allowed to sit there, and everyone was complaining to him. I could see everyone’s jealousy. It was but natural. We were being lucky and they were not.

While we got ready to leave the priest came and took us into the deity room. Now everyone came to know that we were from Sri Dham Vrindavan. In the deity room, they started to greet us with “Radhe Radhe!!”
I remember this lady cop who was on duty for the ladies in the deity room, was taking care of us like we were VIPs. The Pujaris were saying Radhe Radhe instead of Jai Mahakaal. We felt like Vrindavan is here in Ujjain.
In the very packed deity room where no one was allowed to stay more than 5 minutes, we got the very safe place, did Rudra-abhishek and other pujas for quite a long time.

When we finished, I gave my dandavat to the Lord thanking Him for making this brijwasis’ trip so incredible.
A few devotees caught us and hugged us to get a feeling of Vrindavan.

I made a thank you call to that gentleman who met us in the train. I told him what we got. He was amazed and told me, “Maharaj ji I go there every month, you got everything because you are a Brijwasi and a Goswami of Lord Krsna temple. Mahakaal was really happy to see both of you, that is why He gave you that opportunity which he never gives to anyone”

I never thought in my life that I could get the opportunity to serve Him in this nicest way. When we left Vrindavan we didn’t know anything. We were worried. But within a few hrs we became so close to this city and Mahakaal. We got those things which a normal devotee never gets. How could I forget that it is the place where my Lord Krsna studied in Sandipani muni’s ashram, the place where we celebrate the kumbh mela, the place which is the navel of India, the place where we worship the Lord of time, the place where one of the main Lord shiv’s lingas is situated… it is such a powerful place, and i personally am highly obliged and indebted to Lord Shiv who made our trip so memorable. It feels like home and now I understand, why my Lord Krsna had chosen this place for His studies.

*(those who say Brahmins are by karma not by birth, hide one fact of the scriptures, Basically only those people speak this who are not a Brahmin by birth. Scriptures reveals both facts, Brahmins are genuinely Brahmin by birth. By karma only 3 castes can get the brahmintatv which is not easy to get in kalyug. And each and every vedic scriptures reveal this)

Sometimes a moment of your life puts you in confusion. Sometimes a moment of your life never leaves you alone. Sometimes a moment of your life makes you feel, “You lost this opportunity.” Last year I went to meet a very old Vaishnav near Sudama Kuti. His hut was situated on the parikrama marg near Jagannath Ghat. A great Vaishnav who used to spend day and night chanting the Holy names and for food he used to do Madhukari. He used to wake up at 2:30 in the early morning. For most of us it is late night or it is time to sleep but I found amazing dedication in him.

He was a bengali scholar who had learnt all Gaudiya Scriptures. I had a doubt on a few Bengali texts.

I entered his small kutiya.

Baba! Jai Gaur!! I said.

He looked at me. Alas! Gaurango! He became so happy. He stood up from his aasan and gave me a full sastang. He said, “Gaurango! Aapni aamar Gaurarayaa”(Gauranga! You are my Gauranga!) I was shocked by this act. Many of our disciples from Bengal call me Gauranga and many norths Indian call me Krsna. But I never take them seriously, but why is this Vaishnava acting in this manner? Why did he that? I was mystified. He offered me the aasan. He started to stare at me with a sweet smile. Tears were rolling on his cheeks.

Gaurango! Where were you? He asked me.

Dada, I am Chandan Goswami from Sri Radharaman Temple, not Gauranga. I replied.

No. No. No. You don’t know who you are. Maybe, later you will realize. You are my Gaurango, everyones’ Gaurango. I’m blessed you are here, he said again.

Now I felt embarrassed by his answer. How would you feel when anyone compares you to God? What would you feel when someone calls you by the Lords name? How would you act if someone tells you to accept, you are God?

I smiled at him. Would you help me out? I asked.

Gaurango!! Help me out!! I need your blessings. He replied.

This was irritating. I had no choice other than to give a smile. I said my blessings are always with you.

After that I had a healthy discussion with him. He cleared many things for me which are now wrongly propagated in our Gaudiyas. After blessed this great vaishnav again, I came out from his hut. It was late evening, I was tired and it was hot, and the cool breeze of the Yamuna quickly refreshed me. The whole atmosphere was enchanting, with temples bells, Yamuna, Cows, Vaishnavs and Harinaam kirtan.

On the way back, I was passing Bhoot Gali. This small alley is near to the Gopeshwar temple. There is no light in the night, fully dark. That is why they named this small alley Bhoot gali (Ghost Street). I was walking through this street. Then a dog barked quite near to me. For a moment I got frightened. Oh! Sri Radha Raman!! Why are you scaring your brijwasi? So bad of you. Hardly I could have seen something there. I started to blame myself, why did I choose this street? I could have chosen another road. I didn’t even bring a torch. In between of the fighting of my thoughts one voice touched my ear.

“Kyu darr lag raho hai kaa bhaiya??” Are you afraid?

I was like Krsnaaaa why are you making me scared again?

A Small boy appeared next to me with a lamp. I barely saw his face.

Yeah! Little bit. I replied.

I knew it. That’s why I’m here, to show you the road. Follow me, he said.

I followed him to the end of the road. He came on my back side as there was some lights on the street. He said, “Shaam hai gayi hai.. ghar jaano hai naay toh maiya maaregi.” (Its late evening; have to go back to home otherwise my mother will beat me)

I turned back to thank him. What? He is not here? I cant see his lamp light. I cant see him anywhere. I searched him out there. He was nowhere.

Instantly a question raised, WHO WAS THAT? Brijwasi Boy? Or Krsn Himself? In Vrindavan no one uses Kerosene Lamps now. Goddddddddd.. was it You? Oh! Krsna did You come to show me the path? Was it You who was walking ahead of me. Why was I not lucky to see Your beautiful face? Why was I not lucky to have Your darshan?? I went back to the spot where he left me. He was Krsna, No one can appear in a second and disappear in a moment… I took Dust and applied it onto my body with the hope to become pure.

Still sometimes, that moment of my life makes me feel that I had lost the opportunity to see His Divine face and touch His Lotus feet.

Radhe Radhe!! Devotees ask me, why in this small age I came in this devotional life? Let me share one hidden fact of my life. I have a very different passion. I basically started to read scriptures for God. I used to read scriptures to find a way to meet God. And I have done different types of Sadhnaa just for this passion. I never seen God but has felt HIS presence so many times… Memories are faded but let me share one incident, when I was in 6th standard. I used to hear all pandas in nidhivan (I get the whole view of Nidhivan from my room and Rang Mahal in nidhivan is just few yards far from my house) “Sri Radha ji and Sri Krishna ji perform their Raas (dance) here and after that they sleep in Rang Mahal (bedroom)” they used to speak all mythologies of Nidhivan.

One day I decided, Chandan! No one is at home and it’s a time to watch Raas of this divine couple. I sent one servant to buy one liter of milk, Cold drinks etc for my decided Jaagran.

It was a summer time; Temple got closed at 8 in the evening. I sat down in my balcony after that… All night long I was in my balcony, Didn’t see anything and after 6:00 am my sleep caught me in the balcony, but yeah next morning my servant appeared with a bill of cold drinks.

You know sometimes when your heart speaks to you and those things happen. It happens with me most of all time. How do you feel when you know it is spiritual and devotional work but your mood doesn’t support you? You feel like ya ya!! Whatsoever it is, I’m not in the mood to do. (This is how we commit sin)

In the evening, Humidity was on the peek, no wind, I was crazily sweating and my dearest cousin brother cum friend asked me for Vrindavan Parikrama. On the same moment, I thought wow! Crazy!! I thought to say NO but it was somehow a sin, I asked him to postponed parikrama till next morning and let’s go for Sri Radharamanji’s 108 Parikrama.

After had a heavy discussion, Yogesh Goswami won I got ready for parikrama. My body and mood were not supporting me to do this devotional service.

From the beginning of Parikrama I started to bang him by questions while he was chanting. It was my time when I had committed second apraadha. I knew it something would happen to me, but I was assured it would help me to find GOD. If I commit apraadh He would surely come to punish ME. We do karma and He gives the fruit.

After a km or half I got first blister. Wow! First time I am getting this. God doesn’t want to come.. hhmmmm.. When I finished 3 kms parikrama I was kind of dead by humidity, got 4 blisters as so far. My every single step was telling me, “Chandan! You are done, take a rickshaw and go back.” I literally asked Yogesh, “Maharaj Can I please hire one rickshaw.” First time in my life, these things were happening during Vrindavan Parikrama. I was really dead.

Yogesh replied, as you wish, you go! I will catch you at home.

My heart said, Chandan! If God used to come to sinner then each n every sinner would be a saint. Soon the day comes when you would feel HIM. Be practical and don’t commit sins.

I was surprised, Yogesh is giving parikrama after couple of years and he is not getting any blisters and Chandan YOU?? 4?

From that moment I decided. NO rickshaw, NO support, I have to prove I can do anything for God. It was really hard; my pain was getting really worse. I wanted to cut my legs. Will-power was there, but we can’t do everything by only will-power. We need to be physically strong enough to face the reality.

It was hard to concentrate but it would be only the way to forget the pain. After a short break, I became capable to chant His name and somehow gave Parikrama. Overall, whole experience of parikrama was weird though. But my heart was enlightened with the Hope to see HIM soon.

Yesterday was one of the auspicious day for Hindus. Bat-Amavasya and Lords Shani’s birthday. Day when we get million times multiple fruit after give the donation, feed Vaishnavs and visit temples.

It is one of the day when Hindu married women worship ‘Bargad’ Tree for their husbands long life.

In the evening, I thought to attend Yamuna Aarti. Yamuna Devi is the sister of Shani Dev. So, I was planning to celebrate Lord Shani’s birthday by Yamuna Aarti. I somehow didnt make it. But I was ready to celebrate my evening spiritually.

So I went to visit Sri Katyayani Maa, took darshan of Sri Gopeshwar, went to take dust from Lord Shri Krsn & Uddhav meeting place, and how can I forget Sri Radharaman ji? .

Life without God is nothing. For me, this is absolutely true. Word to word is right. Some say it is just my craziness which is trying to control me; some say it seems like your passion, some say Chandan ji! Come out from this, it is not your age to do these things. But I do not know what to say. I am speechless. My mind, my heart, my eyes, my senses, my body are searching one missing part of my life, which is really valuable to me. I have veins but the blood is not flowing through them. I have a heart but I can’t feel the heartthrob. Why is my God not appearing? It has been a while without Him. How can He forget His boy? How can He leave me all alone? I am sad, really sad.

Sentiments were driving me crazy. Every day I was accumulating my sadness, my heart was getting all negative waves. Then a day before Nav Durga, the idea came to my mind to meet my God again. I was out of Vrindavan. But in the late evening, I came back and directly went to one scholar’s house. I had a wish to try a new and tough puja on this occasion. So I thought to take some advices from this knowledgeable scholar, but he started to tell me what I actually knew. After a while, He said, “Goswami maharaj, it is late in the evening. How can you start your tough puja from tomorrow morning? You need to arrange so many things, which you won’t be able to do tonight. Drop this idea and chant the Lord’s name. After hearing his words, I looked up at the old wall clock. It was showing me I had spent 2 hrs at his house and got nothing at all. I became frustrated and so rejected by God. When I want to try to meet Him, why is He not letting me try? Why this rudeness? What type of sin have I done in the past? Why is the Lord not allowing me? My inner smile was turning into an inner sadness.

I came back home, got a chance to share my inner feelings with my siksha guru, my mother. She replied, “I can give you something but before that you have to prove yourself.”

‘Prove’, a small word but really tough to attest when someone keeps hopes on, when someone keeps expectations, when someone becomes demanding. On the first moment things always get miserable when someone asks you to prove yourself. You do not know what the height of his/her expectation is?

Prove!! That moment was so irritating. I lost hope and confidence. Without replying her I went into my room with anger and tears in my eyes. In the dark room, I had started to fight with my negative thoughts. My appetite to feel God was not letting me go down. At last, I decided, I can try to prove, maybe it is some kind of exam. I went to my mother. I said I’m ready. She pointed out a couple of scriptures and said what you are looking for is there. Find out and prove yourself.

At 11 in the night, I had started to read those scriptures to find out mantra which could help me to prove myself. After midnight, I got the one which I was looking for so desperately.
I went to sleep with a little happiness on my cheeks. At last I succeeded on something.

In the morning when I got ready to start my puja, Mother spoke to me, “Chandan! If you do this by your devotion you would find how lucky you are.
After I got the blessings of my parents I started my puja. It was not as tough as I wanted it to be; it was not like which I was supposing to do. But to prove my devotion, dedication, commitment, enthusiasm and loyalty I had to accept it.

The Puja was going smoothly, with one sadness, I was not getting time to visit Katyayani temple which I used to do especially on nine days of Durga.
On the last day of my puja and Nav Durga, I finished all rituals and went to my parents to get their blessings. My mother said, “Your time starts now.”
I was amazed to hear this instead of a blessing. I did not ask her anything and left with a doubt in my mind. In the evening, I went to Sri Katyayani temple. 4 to 5 thousands devotees were there. The temple was fully packed. I directly went to the Mahant of Sri Katyayani temple with some gifts for Katyayani Maa.

“Gusai ji maharaj, where were you during Nav Durga?” Mahant ji asked.
I replied, Baba I was busy in puja.
Mahant ji: “You must be busy with kuliyas and ladoos. Hhmmm…”
I only passed my smile, then Mahant Shri Vidhyanand ji maharaj called one boy, and instructed him, He is Gusai ji from Sri Radha Raman Temple, take him to Katyayani Maa. I cut his talk and said, Naa, it is ok. I will go and take darshan by myself.

Gusai ji!!!! I am sending you to see the main deity of Katyayani Maa which is installed in the hidden place of this temple. Mahanji replied
Wow! I was kind of shocked. This is soooooo amazing. No one in my family or any devotee I know had taken the divine darshan of real Maa Katyayani.

There was no electricity. I was following that boy with dieing torchlight. With fast heartbeats I entered into the room. Oh God! Oh Radha Raman!! Oh Maa Katyayani, I am fortunate. I am blessed. The beauty of the world, the goddess of the universes, the Goddess which was worshipped by the Gopis, the Divine source of all living entities, our sweetest mother is in front of me. After seeing her, the first thought that came was, how cute she looks.
I asked this boy, can I worship her? Can I touch her? He told me, you are unmarried Brahmin and Goswami, so you are allowed to do. Then he left. Oh Lord! How all of a sudden, I became so fortunate, I started to do aarti. So much excitement was there. I couldn’t control my heart. I was kind of jumping. My mind was not working. Then one moment came, I heard an ankle-bell. Who is here? I thought maybe other devotees are coming to take darshan. No, this sound was coming near to me, but I could not see anyone. I stood up to trace the sound. Oh! The jingle of the ankle bells were beginning to get faster and fade. This woman is running now. I went to check each and every place. But I did not find anyone. It was scary. I returned back in front of Katyayani Maa. I started to worship her. Touched her feet and asked her blessing. I wanted to stay there. But it was looking odd to stay there much longer when I was done with worship. The Boy returned with the question if I was ready to leave.
I came back. My cheeks were holding happiness; I met Mahantji. Before he could ask me anything I asked him to let me go again for Maa’s darshan.
It was an unexpected question for him, infact for me aswell. I didn’t know why I asked this but I had asked him, that is all I know.
Gusai ji, ask to Maa one good bride for you. Okay? Mahantji replied.
I smiled and said, this is your department I can’t ask everything in a one day and went back to Katyayani Maa.
I sat down in front of her. I started to share my inner feelings to Maa, then, while meditating upon her, one small mouse came with one flower. She put that flower near to my foot and left as if she just wanted to give that to me only.

Everything was unbelievable. I picked that flower up, bowed down in front of Maa and left with the mercy and thinking about my mother’s words, “your time starts now.”

When our devoted web team was making this blog, many thoughts were coming in my mind. What should I start with? My English is not as good as it has to be. I am not a writer. I might not be up to date like others’ blogs. Then a day came, blog got ready. Time was here to write, what should I write first? About Lord Ganesh? About Braj? About Sri Radharaman ji as i’m known as a Goswami of this temple or something else?

Suddenly, heavy storm started. By that I got my first topic to write. Last 20 to 25 days, weather in Brij is really funny and dangerous. Temperature is crossing 44 degree Celsius. And everyday we are getting heavy storms. Two days ago, storm speed was 250 kms/hr. One and half week ago we got the same speed storm. More than 80 brijwasis were died in that.

Since then news channels are showing Astrologers’ interviews where they are saying, it is a kaliyug effect. These types of storms used to come before Mahabharat. In addition they say, it is an indication of World war-III.

In many documentaries they have shown 21st of December 2012 would be the last day of our world. They show hundreds of yrs old predictions on the wall and stones. As far as they concern, last 400 yrs not a single prediction became wrong from that wall.

I do not know, what will happen but it shows I have a very little time to chant Lord’s name.

Next morning, I read about dead brijwasis in day before yesterday storm, I went to visit two poor families who lost their family members in storm. I wanted to be a part in their sad moments. I was trying to be supportive. But few Rickshaw drivers stopped me as I was the Goswami and Guru. They felt, it was not my work to do. They only wanted my blessings. It was my first time, when Goswami and Guru Title came in between of anything. It was making me frustrated as I was not allowed to help. I found so much respect for me which was making me helpless. I was only allowed to view their sad faces. I could see, poor has good dedication of work in the sad moment, they are good hearted people and really supportive. In this frustrating moment, I found, they were out of money and collecting fund for cremation. My eyes got bright. I became happy; I had found the way to help. I called that poor man who was collecting fund, gave each and every penny from my wallet to both families as they were not capable to buy woods for cremation and all. Then I called some devotees to help them. May be God didn’t want me to help them physically but I am somehow happy as I have supported them in some manner.

First time, I have realized the importance of money. Nowadays, we even are not able to do cremation without money? Oh God! How will poor survive like this? Is it the punishment of those who don’t have money? How would Soul of your devotee reach Golok Dham without cremation? If it is the beginning of Kaliyug then what would happen later? I am sad after seeing your devotees’ conditions. Please give me blessings; I want to help people in cremation. May be by this seva one day I would reach YOU.