Sometimes a moment of your life puts you in confusion. Sometimes a moment of your life never leaves you alone. Sometimes a moment of your life makes you feel, “You lost this opportunity.” Last year I went to meet a very old Vaishnav near Sudama Kuti. His hut was situated on the parikrama marg near Jagannath Ghat. A great Vaishnav who used to spend day and night chanting the Holy names and for food he used to do Madhukari. He used to wake up at 2:30 in the early morning. For most of us it is late night or it is time to sleep but I found amazing dedication in him.

He was a bengali scholar who had learnt all Gaudiya Scriptures. I had a doubt on a few Bengali texts.

I entered his small kutiya.

Baba! Jai Gaur!! I said.

He looked at me. Alas! Gaurango! He became so happy. He stood up from his aasan and gave me a full sastang. He said, “Gaurango! Aapni aamar Gaurarayaa”(Gauranga! You are my Gauranga!) I was shocked by this act. Many of our disciples from Bengal call me Gauranga and many norths Indian call me Krsna. But I never take them seriously, but why is this Vaishnava acting in this manner? Why did he that? I was mystified. He offered me the aasan. He started to stare at me with a sweet smile. Tears were rolling on his cheeks.

Gaurango! Where were you? He asked me.

Dada, I am Chandan Goswami from Sri Radharaman Temple, not Gauranga. I replied.

No. No. No. You don’t know who you are. Maybe, later you will realize. You are my Gaurango, everyones’ Gaurango. I’m blessed you are here, he said again.

Now I felt embarrassed by his answer. How would you feel when anyone compares you to God? What would you feel when someone calls you by the Lords name? How would you act if someone tells you to accept, you are God?

I smiled at him. Would you help me out? I asked.

Gaurango!! Help me out!! I need your blessings. He replied.

This was irritating. I had no choice other than to give a smile. I said my blessings are always with you.

After that I had a healthy discussion with him. He cleared many things for me which are now wrongly propagated in our Gaudiyas. After blessed this great vaishnav again, I came out from his hut. It was late evening, I was tired and it was hot, and the cool breeze of the Yamuna quickly refreshed me. The whole atmosphere was enchanting, with temples bells, Yamuna, Cows, Vaishnavs and Harinaam kirtan.

On the way back, I was passing Bhoot Gali. This small alley is near to the Gopeshwar temple. There is no light in the night, fully dark. That is why they named this small alley Bhoot gali (Ghost Street). I was walking through this street. Then a dog barked quite near to me. For a moment I got frightened. Oh! Sri Radha Raman!! Why are you scaring your brijwasi? So bad of you. Hardly I could have seen something there. I started to blame myself, why did I choose this street? I could have chosen another road. I didn’t even bring a torch. In between of the fighting of my thoughts one voice touched my ear.

“Kyu darr lag raho hai kaa bhaiya??” Are you afraid?

I was like Krsnaaaa why are you making me scared again?

A Small boy appeared next to me with a lamp. I barely saw his face.

Yeah! Little bit. I replied.

I knew it. That’s why I’m here, to show you the road. Follow me, he said.

I followed him to the end of the road. He came on my back side as there was some lights on the street. He said, “Shaam hai gayi hai.. ghar jaano hai naay toh maiya maaregi.” (Its late evening; have to go back to home otherwise my mother will beat me)

I turned back to thank him. What? He is not here? I cant see his lamp light. I cant see him anywhere. I searched him out there. He was nowhere.

Instantly a question raised, WHO WAS THAT? Brijwasi Boy? Or Krsn Himself? In Vrindavan no one uses Kerosene Lamps now. Goddddddddd.. was it You? Oh! Krsna did You come to show me the path? Was it You who was walking ahead of me. Why was I not lucky to see Your beautiful face? Why was I not lucky to have Your darshan?? I went back to the spot where he left me. He was Krsna, No one can appear in a second and disappear in a moment… I took Dust and applied it onto my body with the hope to become pure.

Still sometimes, that moment of my life makes me feel that I had lost the opportunity to see His Divine face and touch His Lotus feet.

Tags: Braj, Braja, Brij, Caintanya, Chandan Goswami, Gaudiya, Krishna, Mahaprabhu, Radha, Radha raman, radha ramana, radharamana, Temple, Vrija, Vrindavan