I came to South Africa because of Shri Radha Govind Ashram, PMB. The couple from this ashram had taken my shelter as a disciple and wanted me to spread the holy name of Shri Radha & Krishn. It was my first spiritual awakening tour here in South Africa. This couple was living a laborious spiritual life and was enthusiastic to learn more about Hindu Religion.

Unfortunately, there were some conflicts between their thoughts and that of mine.  As I spend more time with them, I found myself bounded. It was because of their views as well as their behavior. I tried my best to explain everything to this couple but all my efforts were going in vain. They were not ready to listen and sticked at their meaningless point that When we are hosting you and spending money and energy then you shall follow us only. They didn’t want me to go to meet other devotees who were their anti. When I went to meet other devotees this couple said, “Gurudev (i.e. me) has betrayed us, he has lied while we were hosting him.”

Earlier also , I had tried to make them understand that one cannot control his/her Guru in anyway. I am not a professional musician who will sing for one company only because I have signed the contract. But they blamed me every time saying that, “In Indian tradition, one should respect their host and should not visit their host’s enemies”.

If you have invited your Guru to come to you and enlighten you. And for the same you have made arrangement for his stay and everything else.  Will you call this “hosting him” or “serving him”? It is an important point which I want every devotee, and especially my followers, should understand very clearly. I don’t want that any of my disciple and follower shall use such nonsense and act in such a stupid way in future.

Let me explain this by an example- There was a father with two sons. Both sons hate each other and don’t like to see each others face. Father had tried everything to sort out the troubling issues between them but nothing worked. Suppose, elder son is taking care of his father. Now,

*  Does father has to take elder son’s permission to meet his younger son?
* Can the elder brother say to his father that - “Don’t meet the younger brother. I am feeding you and taking care of you. I am your host.  Don’t meet my envy“?
* Can the elder brother ask for some money from his younger brother to meet the father?

Now use your intelligence and tell me- What will you call it?? ‘Control on father’ or ‘unconditional service to father’? Can son HOST his father?

According to me, son should serve his father and not control his father or put any condition for his service. We don’t host our family, we host only guests. Further, if father meets his younger son, without intimating his elder son and the elder son, after finding this, throws the belongings of his father out of his house. What will you call this behavior? Isn’t it Ego?

Can he say that his father has cheated him by meeting the younger son without permission?  Can he say that—“I am bearing all your expenses and the younger son has done nothing for you. If the younger son wants to meet you, he should bear at least half the expenses.’ Can he blame his father as -a cheat, a bogus, a liar for what he has done. Can he?? Now the question comes, who can control whom? According to Hindu religion, Son can’t control his parents because son is a part of parents. He always has to follow them, no matters what they do or ask. But father can control his son because he is his father and more elder to him. And he knows everything better then his kid. Lord Ram and Lord Krishn are the best example of that. They never disobeyed their parents.

How fight starts between young boy and parents in the present world? Young boy starts thinking that he knows everything and feels like his parents are ruling him. He believes what he is doing is right.  But actually parents have more experience. They have gone through all such things so they tell & advice their children for their betterment. Now if one won’t listen to his parents and won’t even give them the chance to teach him then he is actually disobeying his parents and being Stubborn. If you say to your parents that-“ I know, I am right” and stick to it despite of your parent’s advice then obviously you are disrespecting your parents. You are not giving them the chance to teach you. When one feels that he is right and intelligent then he actually closes the door for everyone to tell him why he is wrong. That is the time when conflicts starts and one’s ego grows which leads him to the darkness.

It is a materialistic story but if you take it in a spiritual way, Guru is the spiritual father. When you take initiation you surrender yourself and you make the very divine relationship with your Guru. He becomes your father and you become his disciple. Now who is supposed to follow? The Guru  or The disciple? If disciple is saying that –“Guru dev!  you think you are right, please think again, because  I think I’m right”. It shows that he has not surrendered to his Guru. He is still following his own things and he doesn’t want to follow his Gurudev. He is being stubborn and thinks that he is more intelligent then his Spiritual Master. I remember one more story from Gita. When Arjun was on the one side, asking Lord Krishn to show him the right path and on the other hand he was arguing with Him. Then Lord Krishn told him, if you really want to listen then surrender first. After surrendering Lord Krishn very firstly spoke about Karma Yog because of Arjun’s attitude. What is Karma Yog?

“Karma Yog is selfless service unto humanity. Karma Yog is the Yog of action which purifies the heart and prepares the Antahkarana (the heart and the mind) for the reception of Divine Light or attainment if Knowledge of the Self. The important point is that you will have to serve humanity without any attachment or egoism.” The practice of Karma Yoga prepares the aspirant for the reception of knowledge of the Self. It makes him a proper Adhikari (aspirant) for the study of Vedanta. Ignorant people jump at once to Bhakti Yog or Jnana Yog, without first having a preliminary training in Karma Yog. That is the reason why they fail miserably to realize the Truth. Various impurities lurk in the fourfold mind (Antahkarana). The mind is filled with likes and dislikes, jealousy, etc. They indulge in all sorts of useless controversies, vain debates and dry, endless discussions. Their philosophy is only on their lips. In other words, they are arrogant.

A man who is easily irritable and who can easily be offended for trifling things is absolutely unfit for the path of Karma Yog. He should have all the organs under perfect control. He should lead a very simple life. He should bear insult, disrespect, dishonour, censure, infamy, disgrace, harsh words, heat, cold and the pain of diseases. He should have absolute faith in himself, in God, in scriptures and in the words of his Guru. If he leads a life of luxury, if he wants everything for himself, how can he share his possessions with others? He should burn his selfishness to the very root. Let me remind you the words of the Gita: “Restraining and subduing the senses, regarding everything equally, rejoicing in the welfare of all, these alone come to Me.” Such a man becomes a good Karma Yogi and reaches the goal quickly.

If you organise programs and do something FOR YOUR GURU, it is known as service to your Guru not hosting. Not a single disciple can control his Guru by saying that, Guru, if you will go there then I will leave you. It shows if Guru will go there then your EGO will get hurt. You can’t host ( or control) your Guru. As a disciple, you can only serve him unconditionally. And as a father, he is free to choose wherever he wants to go because he is not the father of one son. So please be clear, a single disciple shall not take himself as a host. If you have really surrendered yourself to your master, the word ‘I’ should not exist. What is the use of this word now?  What is making you so egoistic? Have you forgotten Gita and Bhagwatam?

There is still one point left— If I went to see another son (devotee) without asking them- Had I lied to them?

Firstly, when I went to meet my disciples, this couple didn’t ask anything to me and I also didn’t speak anything to them. So it was not telling a lie. Secondly, if one has a problem with other person, that is his personal materialistic problem, he should not bind his relatives, friends and others, especially his Spiritual master, to follow his wish.

Also, according to Mahabharat Udyog parv, one can speak lie in 8 circumstances. One of those 8 circumstances is when one is going for Hari Katha or to attend lord’s program.

“Leave them those who keep you far from devotees and God because they are being conditional and trying to control you”. Skand Puran 5.5.18

The example are given also, Bali Maharaj had rejected his Guru Shukracharya. Vibhishan rejected his relatives, Prahalad Maharaj rejected his father, Bharat rejected his mother, Brijwasis rejected God Indra, Gopies rejected their husbands.

Even IF you are hosting a Guru, ved says, “Atithi devo bhava” which means “Guest is your God”. But such thing could happen when they were NOT my disciple but even on that time also, such insult would harm the host. Because you are not allowed to treat your guest badly in any way. The exact vedic hymn is,

Dharmam charah satyam vada adhyanaat ma pramati-tavyam
Matri devo bhavah Pitr devo Bhavah Acharya devo Bhavah Atithi Devo Bhavah

“Follow dharma, speak truth, and never show your laziness to study the scriptures, Mother is like God, Father is like God, Spiritual Master is like God and Brahmin Guest is like your God.“

This couple loves their material parents but forgot how to behave with Spiritual parent. If you cannot think of insulting your material father because he is your father then how can you even think to do such thing with your spiritual father and put the conditions? I was thinking, if one day their father/son will go to enimies house then what this couple will do?

When you don’t know how to pay respect to your Guru, then I doubt on the existence of your very so-called spiritual life. Always understand, Spiritual father is far superior then your parents. Always pay your respect and follow your guru order’s as God order. If you won’t and start to insult your Guru then get ready for the punishment from God & Guru, if you don’t believe then watch this couple’s future to learn a lesson.

People say spiritual preachers are bogus. They run after money and women. They are mostly involved in illicit sex and misuse their position to fulfill their own desires. I can’t say that this is wrong but I don’t fully agree with many things. Being born in a spiritual family is an advantage which has helped me to see the views of devotees and gurus. Since birth, I have seen all the ups and downs of so many lives of different gurus and know the real faces of many gurus. When I chose to pursue the spiritual line myself, my family was worried because of my looks. They thought many women could be attracted to me and there would be plenty of chances that I could fall down from the high standards. They always taught me to never use the donation money for your own living, but to use it to fulfill the purpose it has been donated for. Otherwise you, your family and many generations after you will suffer.

It is true, if you are a successful guru, you can get whatever amount of money you want. The society nourishes the faith in Guru & God and people who have this faith in the Guru’s words donate money. Because of this MANY stupid preachers are preaching in this world, although they don’t even have any knowledge of shastras. Many of them are soft-spoken and use all the marketing tools and I guess these are the only key of their success. But since I am pursuing the same line and by God’s grace having read many scriptures, I explored their dirty mentality of making money.

I must say, they are making fools of themselves and basically they are cheaters. Since I have started giving Srimad Bhagwatam katha, people have started to take me in such a way, many of my so-called friends approached me with their money making experiences and said, “Money is not God but the value of money is not less than the God in Kaliyug.” Once these words left a heavy impression on my mind when I was on my England tour. I was not so happy with my program schedule. Because of my cousin brothers and other preachers’ influences, I acted in a weird manner; I called a few devotees and a couple of temples asking them to invite me. I hate to be invited from people who are inviting me because I asked them to do so. It is against my moral conceptions. Because I am here with my self-respect and those devotees who want to listen to me, who want to hear Hari-Katha and get my association will invite me. I am not here to make money. I am seeking love, respect and most importantly devotion.

It was written in my destiny to call them, and so I did and planned my whole trip. It was my first and last mistake and the England trip was not a successful one. I neither gained nor lost anything, but I learnt a lot from that. I am a Vaishnav. Nowadays many stupid things are dominant in the culture, people want your CD or DVD first if you ask them to arrange your katha, they want your flyers, they want to know how big your ashram is, and they want to know how many charity programs we run and so on. They don’t just see how you speak and what the standard of a preacher is. Who are they to decide who speaks nicely? Are they looking for Pure Harikatha or artificial preachers where money is involved? The funny thing is that 95% of the bhagwatam preachers have never even passed high school. All of them were a failure in school and so their parents told them to start preaching for money.

I made a rule straight after that, no more artificial Bhagwatam katha and no more calling anyone to organize my program. If there are pure Vaishnavs, who would like to hear Hari katha from anyone, I would be very happy to recite Hari-katha there only. No more drama and show off. I don’t want to be a fancy Srimad Bhagwatam preacher. I am the Acharya and I have to behave like that only.

Sastroktam dharmam uccarya svayam acarate sada

Anyebhyah sissayed yas tu sa acaryo nigadyate

“He who always presents the scriptural injunctions, who follows them himself, and also teaches others to act accordingly, is called an Acharya.

Since then, many devotees tried and asked me to give them my CD so they can watch it and arrange my programs in their cities. It is not their fault.

Krishn nitya dasa jiva taha bhuli gelo

Sei dose maya tara golaya bandhilo (Caitanya Caritamrta)

“The living being has forgotten that he is Krishn’s eternal servant, and due to the fault maya has bound him around the neck.” I know the value of Guru Name and I am not going to misuse it for the sake of money. NEVER.

I have seen the standard of money-minded preachers and these organizers and I always pray to God for their betterment.

Wherever money is involved, sex definitely finds its place after sometime. The spiritual world is non different from the material world now. Both things have taken place in kaliyug.

In the past I met 6-7 topmost astrologers in different places with my chart and each of them said, “Maharaj, you are a flower, and honeybees are there to suck your spiritual essence. It is upto you how to save yourself when you are in this line. Because once you are sucked on, your downfall will start.”

Women have always approached me with their stupid intentions, so I wasn’t really worried about the astrologers’ words. I thought, why should I be worried with this, since the beginning I am handling such things and I am doing fine in controlling such women.

Since I have started my spiritual life and became a Guru, I guess I can understand why many gurus fall down from their standard. It is one of the facts which gurus don’t want to discuss because of their reputation. After starting the Srimad Bhagwatam discourses, many girls and women approached me directly; all of them wanted to talk to me every night or wanted to be my friend or my dasi, or to be my woman for a day or for a certain period of time or for life. Many girls have approached me with their families and it makes me very sad to say that their parents were coming with them and asking me to talk with their daughters or wanted my contact number for their daughters. My heart was crying to see the big change in the Hindu culture. Are kids ruling their parents or are the parents really blind and have no sense for what they are doing? I have experienced and heard so much from my family and friends, that women try to sleep with their spiritual master so they can get blessed. I always ask, how do these mad women get blessed by this?

A guru tries to help everyone and we never see who is approaching us. All we do is, we try everything for the betterment of those who take shelter with us. But in India, I am really shocked to see such stupidity. When we go to any city to recite the lectures, Harikatha etc, people approach us to help them. Women or men come with their questions like; my husband’s business is going down, what can we do to save it by your blessings? My boy/girl is very old now and unmarried; please tell us something for his/her marriage? My son is not doing well in exam, how can he focus his mind on the books? What is the future of my son/daughter? We have family problems because of such and such person, how can we get rid of that? My brother wants to switch his job, when is a good time to do that? The real problem appears when the Guru starts counseling a woman when she is stuck in a big mess. A woman lays open her emotions and shares her secrets with the Guru so that he can save her from all the problems. The Guru tries to make her feel confident and later, the woman thinks that this Guru is the man of her life and she falls in love with him and acts crazily to get him.

I remember many incidents in my life where only my heart cried. Once I was in Delhi to give lecture, a few of my followers had arranged my stay in their house. In the night, the daughter-in-law of that family came into my room with her husband and said, Maharaj! I want a second child. I replied that “This is nice. I will give you one mantra and the process of puja which a pregnant lady has to do when she desires to serve Lord Krishn as her baby. This whole process and mantra is written in one scripture and we give diksha of that mantra to our followers.”

She said in front of her husband, “We want that you should be the father of that child.” I almost fainted but I replied, I would be his spiritual father that is what I am for each of my disciples. But her husband said, Maharaj, she wants to raise your baby in her womb so our whole family and the future would be blessed, and then they grabbed my feet.

I became so angry because of their stupid behavior. But that was not the moment to say anything to them. Even I didn’t want to make a big scene in front of their family. I asked them to come back the next morning. After they left, I was thinking, Alas! What is happening with everyone? Why God! You are playing with your devotees who are trying to save every conditioned soul in this kaliyug? Why are you testing your devotees when our intentions are pure? Or is it our routine check up? Why are you using those devotees who are struggling with their devotion? I know some answers are unsaid but it gives so much pain in my heart.

The next morning after the class, I left that house and warned both of them. Since then, I have experienced so many disgusting cases which only made me cry but also made me stronger, that I have so much work to do and fight this disgusting idea of illicit sex. I always get proposals from women as well as men. It made me realize how tough this job is when such kinds of people exist in this world who attend the classes to look at your external beauty, who listen to your lecture to hear your sweet voice, who try to get the blessings so we can touch them. The whole idea is so sick and I believe in most cases, the Gurus who have fallen down from their standards are not the only ones who are wrong. The society is equally wrong as well. The arrow of Kaam-dev is one of the strongest weapons and only Shri Krishn won that in Maharaas, not even Lord Shiv won.

Guru Krishn rupa hon sastrera pramane (Caitanya Caritamrta)

“The Guru is another form of Krishn.”

Lord Krishn said in Srimad Bhagwatam (11.17.27)

Acaryam mam vijaniyan navamanyeta karhicit

“O Uddhav! You should consider the acharya meaning gurudev, to be I Myself, and never disrespect him.”

For me, the most valuable item I carry is Reputation, Prestige, the state of being held in high esteem and honor- The Guru position. I always pray to God that He may give me enough strength, so I can keep this reputation of Guru Name and worship this post as Krishn only in this kaliyug.

Devotees ask me often, who is the Supreme Godhead? Is Krishn Supreme Godhead? Is Vishnu Supreme Godhead? Are Krishn and Vishnu same or different? Is Lord Shiv Supreme? Is Shakti Supreme Goddess? Today I am thinking to clear all devotees’ doubts. I will write here all the differences and try to let you know why our sects have differences. (I won’t talk what Sampraday Acharyas said. If you want to know the answer ‘why I’m not’. Read this article)

As all of you know we have some main scriptures. 3-4 Vedas, 18 Purans and 17 sub-Purans, 19 smirities (law books)

But the problem is, “Shurti Bhinna Smirti Bhinna” Ved have differences, law books have differences and Puran also speak different things. So I will try to talk about Purans here because they talk about Supreme Godhead.Ved talks about Brahm and Smritis talk about Gayatri mantra and how to save ourselves from any offenses.

1. According to Brahm-vavrta Puran, Lord Shri Krishn is the Supreme Godhead and Supreme Personality. He resides in Golok Dham and from Him Lord Vishnu, Lod Shiv and Lord Brahma incarnated. Lord Vishnu is the part of Lord Krishn according to this Puran who works for Lord Krishn. Lord Vishnu resides in Vishnu-lok (Vaikunth) and He is the organ of all universes.

2. According to Padma Puran, Lord Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead. First of all, He had born Prakati, afterwards, Mahatatv, Tan-matra, Panchbhut. From His naval-ring, Lord Brahma had born who created the world.

3. According to Brahm Puran and Shri Harivansh Puran, Lord Narayan is the Supreme Godhead. First of all he made the water; by His power he had manifested one big golden egg in the water. From that egg Lord Brahma appeared who designed the world.

4. According to Vishnu Puran, Lord Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead. First of all, Lord Vishnu had born two personalities Prakati and Purush and all emotions. By their mixing one golden egg appeared, from that egg Maha-Virat or Maha-Vishnu came out. He divided into 3 forms, Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv to create the world.

5. According to Narad Puran, Maha-Vishnu is the Supreme Godhead who appeared in the three forms Purush, Prakarti and Time. These forms started to create the world and later changed into Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh.

6. Srimad Bhagwatam Puran, Lord Hari is the Supreme Godhead who created the Maya first. From Maya Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared. By their mixings Golden egg appeared, from that egg Maha- Purush appeared. From Maha-Purush (Virat-Purush) all Gods, Goddesses, Demons, Human beings etc appeared.

7. According to Markandeya Puran, Param-brahm-Prameshwar is the Supreme Godhead who born Prakati first. By her support Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared. By everyone support golden egg manifested. From golden egg Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh came out who are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of the world.

8. According to all Shiv Purans like Ling Puran, Shiv Puran etc, Lord Shiv is the Supreme Godhead. Who incarnated as a light in the beginning of this world. He born Shakti first then Mahtatv, Tanmatras and Pancabhut appeared by Him and later He born Brahm and Vishnu who started to create and maintain the world.

9. According to Devi Bhagwat, Goddess Shakti is the Supreme Personality. From her Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv appeared, and she distributed the work to them.

10. According to Ganesh Upnishad, Lord Ganesh is the Supreme Godhead and Brahma, Vishnu and Shiv manifested from Him only who respectively are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of the world.

11. In few scriptures as well as Veds Lord Sun is the only Supreme Godhead.

Confused? Don’t be now I will speak minute stuff which will make you more confused.

1. Purushamevedam sarvam eko RUDRO na dwitiyaay vidyate |
These Vedic Mantras mean “there is only one PURUSH who is creator, sustainer and annihilator of this Infinite Cosmos. THAT PURUSH is RUDRA ( BHAGAVAN SHANKAR ). ’’
In NILARUDRA Upanishad, it is said that – “ those who differentiate between BHAGAVAN VISHNU and BHAGAVAN SHANKAR goes to the darkest region of Maya.

2. Mahabharat contains Srimad Bhagwat Gita in where Lord Krishn said, He is the Supreme Personality but in same Mahabharat, In the Anushasana Parvan, Book 13, we find this prayer to Shiv:
yo asrijad dakshinad angad brahmanam loka-sambhavam
vama-parshvat tatha vishnum loka-rakshartham ishvarah
yugante chaiva samprapte rudram angat srijat prabhuh
‘He is the Lord (ishvara) who from his right side created Brahma the creator of the world and from his left side created Vishnu for the protection of the world. And at the end of the Yuga the mighty Lord creates Rudra from his body.’

In the other story in Mahabharat, Lord Vyas Dev tells Kauravs that Parshuaastra (weapon of Shiv) won’t give any harm to Lord Krishn because Lord Krishn is Lord Shiv’s devotees.

”The blessed Vishnu said: “I salute Mahadeva. Salutations to Thee. O Thou that art eternal origin of all things. The Rishis say that Thou art the Lord of the Vedas. The righteous say that Thou art Penance, Thou art Sattwa, Thou art Rajas, Thou art Tamas, and Thou art truth.” (The Mahabharata, Anusasana Parva Section XIV)

3. According to Srimad Bhagwatam, Lord Krishn- Narayan- hari is the Supreme Godhead but Srimad Bhagwatam reveals this also

SB 8.12.39: My dear Lord Śambhu, who within this material world but you can surpass My illusory energy? People are generally attached to sense enjoyment and conquered by its influence. Indeed, the influence of material nature is very difficult for them to surmount.

SB 8.7.31: O Lord Girīśa, since the Brahman effulgence is transcendental to the material modes of goodness, passion and ignorance, the various directors of this material world certainly cannot appreciate it or even know where it is. It is not understandable even to Lord Brahmā, Lord Viṣṇu or the King of heaven, Mahendra.

SB 8.7.32: When annihilation is performed by the flames and sparks emanating from your eyes, the entire creation is burned to ashes. Nonetheless, you do not know how this happens. What then is to be said of your destroying the Dakṣa-yajña, Tripurāsura and the kālakūṭa poison? Such activities cannot be subject matters for prayers offered to you.

SB 8.7.33: Exalted, self-satisfied persons who preach to the entire world think of your lotus feet constantly within their hearts. However, when persons who do not know your austerity see you moving with Umā, they misunderstand you to be lusty, or when they see you wandering in the crematorium they mistakenly think that you are ferocious and envious. Certainly they are shameless. They cannot understand your activities.

4. Vishnu puran 5.33.46
Yo hariH sa ZivaH sakSad yaH zivaH sa svayamM hariH
Ye tayor bhedamAti stahan narakAya bhave nnaraH
Whoever is Lord Hari, He Himself is Lord Shiva indeed.
Any human being mistakes both the lord to be different, he/she surely go to hell

——————————————————————————–

Are you confused now? Confusion creates questions. My questions are given below which shall be considered:-

1. We say infact it is written in the scripture, Srimad Bhagwatam is the essence of the Purans. Question comes here… In Bhagwatam there is not a single story from any Shiv’s Purans. How can it be an essence when from 17 Purans, half of them are not there? Right?

2. According to scriptures, one who sees the moon of Ganesh Chaturthi gets the wrong blame in the future. Once Lord Krishn saw that and got the blame on Him that He killed and robbed ‘Mani’.Gem). Later Lord Krishn had proved that he didn’t do that. Since that all devotees never see the Ganesh Chaturthi moon. Eventually all Gods hide themselves inside their deity rooms on this particular day from the moon. When Lord Krishn appeared on the earth, and spread the message everywhere that He is the only Supreme Godhead, then why did he get affected by that moon who belongs to Lord Ganesh?

3. Mainly Lord Krsna, Lord Shiv and Sri Durga Maa are only three supreme personalities which are mentioned in scriptures. There are other two also, and incarnation of Lord Shiv, Sankaracharya put these 5 idols on the altar for worship. He didn’t want us to get confused and start to fight who is Supreme. If we accept one scripture then second scripture is definitely wrong for us which is an offense. So to finish that offense, He put these five Gods on the altar.

4. In our hindu calander, Kartik and Vaishakh months are dedicated to Lord Krishn, Saavan to Lord Shiv and two Nav durgas to Sri Durga Maa. Not other months are dedicated to any other Devta.

5. Lord Shiv meditates Lord Krishn, Lord Krishn meditates Sri Radha ji. So who is Supreme?

6. Lord Shiv worships Lord Krishn and Lord Krishn worships Lord Shiv. However, Sri Durga never worshiped them.

7. In many Purans and our vedic scriptures it is clearly mentioned that Lord Krishn and Lord Shiv worshiped Sri Durga. Why did Lord Krishn or Lord Shiv do that when they were Supreme?

8. Only focus on those shloks which has our stuff in them doesn’t mean we can deny other shloks and facts.

9. When Lord Krsn is ONLY Supreme Godhead then why did He worship Lord Shiv for Sudarshan Chakra. Sudarshan Chakra used to belong Lord Shiv only. After got happy by Lord Krishn tapsaya Lord Shiv gave his Charkra to Him. (Shiv Puran)

10. Could you show me any shloks where Lord Krishn worshiped His other devotees and sang a prayer for them?

11. Did Lord Krsna sang a prayer for any other devta? Why Lord Krishn worshiped only Lord Shiv and Sri Durga?

12. Worship of Shiv take us to Krishn. Worship to Krishn take us to Sri Radha(form of Durga) Who is actually Supreme? Shiv? Krsn? Durga?

13. In the Shiv Rahasya Chapter in the Skanda Purana, there is a shloka of 40 verses where Vishnu praises Lord Shiv as the Ultimate truth etc. but srimad bhagwatan says Lord Krishn is the Ultimate truth.

14. In Padma Puran it is written, Lord Ram installed Rameshwar (Lord Shiv) deity and worshiped Him. On the second hand, Valmiki Ramayan is silent. Now either Padma Puran is right or Valmiki Ramayan.

15. Why does Lord Krishn praised Lord Shiv and Durga Maa as ‘THE ORGIN OF THE CREATION’ several times? He didn’t praise anyone else like that. What was the reason which made Lord Krishn to speak that? Did He lie? I guess He never Lies. Right? On the one hand He is saying He is Supreme. On the Other Hand He is praising THEM Supreme also.

16. When Lord Vishnu is the part of Lord Krishn according to Brahmvavrta Puran but on the other hand Vishnu and other Purans say that Lord Krishn is the part of Godhead Vishnu, then who is Supreme? Is Golok Supreme or Vaikunth?

There are so many questions and so many differences in Purans, I can write a good book on that. But let me tell you the answer of all questions.

Never do worship of Shiv because He is Vaishnav. It is somehow you are committing offense. Ok He is Vaishnav but in many Scriptures it is also mentioned that Lord Krishn worshiped Lord Shiv. So should we worship Lord Krishn as the greatest SHAIV? NO. We should worship both of THEM as The Supreme Personalities.

I do not see any point in arguing then that this idol is supreme compared to the other idols unless I forget what the ideal behind the idol stands for. This is the reason I believe that Bhakti without proper understanding can lead to fanaticism. History indicates that there were Vaishnavaits and Saivates who were killing each other in the name of Bhakti. This was no different from what Muslims did and still do and Christian did through crusade wars and still does by converting masses now by showing a caret instead of sword. In a same manner, Gyan without Bhakti can lead to intellectual arrogance. I feel that with true Bhakti, Gyan should develop; and with Gyan, Bhakti should develop. This we can see in our lives. We need the devotion (Bhakti) to achieve the goal we seek – And we develop understanding (Gyan) of the goal as we devoutly work to achieve it. These are similar to the two wings of a bird. So I do not see any meaning in arguing that Bhakti is superior to Gyan or Gyan is superior to Bhakti. Start anywhere that appeals to you -Bhakti or Gyan - if you have true devotion to the Lord, Bhakti, or true Gyan, a clear understanding, then one should develop the other. That in fact becomes the definition of what a true Bhakti or real Gyan is! Bhakti is not exhibition of intense emotionalism and Gyan is not the knowledge of the scriptures. These are neither necessary nor sufficient, and many a time can even be an obstruction if this is not supported by true Bhakti or true Gyan. Guidance from a proper teacher will help in avoiding our falling into these traps of fanaticism or arrogance. Ofcourse by definition “a proper teacher” does not guide us in the direction of fanaticism because that in the final analysis leads to self destruction.

At the end, everyone should know, as I have mentioned above there are 5 Supreme Personalities according to all Hindu scriptures. Every Sampradaya which are known as religious schools has their own syllabus from the authentic scriptures which contain, who is their Supreme Godhead, how to attain Bhakti to make Godhead happy, how to reach the higher level, what is the difference between the Brahm, Jeev and Maya, What is the ultimate goal? Etc

Because of their syllabuses we find so many theories, differences in our Hindu religion. Because when they talk in their syllabuses about their Godhead, they put other Gods down. Because of that innocent devotees get fanatic. According to Padma Puran, Four Vaisnava disciplic successions, inaugurated by Sri, Lord Brahma, Lord Rudra, and Sanaka, one of the four Kumaras, according to the scriptural source, appear in the holy place of Jaganatha Puri, and purify the entire earth during the Kali yuga (believed to be the current age in Hinduism). Sri chooses Ramanuja to represent her disciple succession. In the same way Lord Brahma chose Madhvacharya in Brahma sampradaya, Rudra chose Visnuswami in Rudra Sampradaya, and the four Kumaras chose Nimbaditya (Nimbarka Sampradaya).” Number of traditions due to assumption of the god-like status of their founder, rejected the parent sampradaya in favour of the new, as would be an example with Ramanandis, Gaudiya, Vallabhacharya and Swaminarayan. Shiv followers have also main sampradasy such as Samart Sampraday, Nandinatha Sampradaya, Adinath Sampradaya, Siva Advaita, Kashmir Shaivism, Pasupata, etc there is a one Sampraday for Shakti also. There are other schools of Yog like Hatha yog, Integral Yog who do the meditation of Brahm-The Supreme Personality, and few other philosophies like Nyaya, Samkhya, Vaisheshika, Purva mimamsa etc. Every other philosophy lead us to the ultimate goal.

If devotee wants to get rid of these confusions and philosophies, then he should follow one path ( any sampraday) which sounds appealing to him and helps him to gain the bhakti to reach the last goal. Because lastly every other Sampraday talks about Brahm-The Supreme soul. Vaishnav only read vaishnav scriptures and believe on that, Shaivs only read Lord Shiv scriptures and become fanatic. I would suggest to everyone, Follow one and respect everyone.

Seva Mahotsav was finishing on 15th of December 2008, and I had my first official Srimad Bhagwat Katha from 18th of December. I needed to prepare for that. For the first time I was going to face thousands of devotees and it was officially the time for me to act as a spiritual master. Due to the preparations I needed to do for this katha, I took a few days off from the altar. However, during this time, Lord Krishn played His lila on me. There was one very sincere devotee who I had blind faith on and I used to think that he is a role model for new devotees and that he could be a good inspiration for anyone but after I took my days off the alter, I found out few of his lies on some issues. I tried to calm myself down and asked him to confess as I had all the evidence lying in front of me, which was proving him to be a big time liar. He started to make false stories to prove himself right and I was shocked and felt used. On every one of his lies, I was feeling as if someone was stabbing me behind my back and I didn’t want to believe that a sincere devotee like him could speak lies. I got so disturbed. All of my followers and near & dear ones know I hate lies. If one can’t speak the truth in this world, is there any chance of that person speaking the truth to God? God resides in everyone’s heart. If we are lying to His devotees, we actually are lying to Him. I started to think, why did I even think to make him a role model for my devotees when she is lying to me after I gave him plenty of chances to confess? What kind of scriptures did he study till now? What kind of association has he had? I got so disturbed and started to point my finger on his every step. I started to think why is there any need to lie?

Due to this incident, I stopped my studies. On 17th December I reached Agra city where this katha was going to be held. I was completely unprepared. My disciples asked me if I was ready to speak or not after they saw my condition. I said that as the date is fixed and I have given my word nothing will change. I will not take a step back, either I am ready or not. I am ready to face this challenge. It is the Lord’s illusion and I’m here to recite Srimad Bhagwatam which is non different from the Lord. If the Lord wants me to recite katha, He would let me do it. On 18th December, everyone was busy in preparation and my Guru Maharaj came to attend the program. Before starting the Shrimad Bhagwatam procession, Guru Maharaj asked me if I needed any kind of help. I was so hopeless because I didn’t prepare anything. I didn’t know what would I speak. I asked him to give me some tips. Lastly He said that an Acharya don’t take any tension an that God will show you the right way.

Confidence is the key of my every success. I was confident but wasn’t prepared well enough. After the procession the katha started. It was my first time sitting on the Vyas Aasan and acting as a Guru. After giving the first days class, I went to Gurudev to touch his feet. He took me on the side, and asked me where the nectar was in my katha?  He was disappointed after attending my first days katha. But in a sweet way he realized my mistakes. After he left, I met my maternal uncle who spoke on all my mistakes. I didn’t speak a single word to either of them because on the other hand I was trying to work on that devotee and pushing him to confess for the sake of God. My first impression was bad. After having a long talk with my uncle, I went to meditate and focus on reality. Everyone had big hopes from me and I didn’t want to let them down. After finishing my second days katha I saw the face of one of my followers who looked a bit disturbed, I felt his feelings and he wasn’t happy with the way I was giving class. On the third day I stopped thinking about that boy and focused on my katha. I felt as if this boy was like an illusion and diverting my mind from Harikatha.

I found such a big change in me as well as in the audience. On the first day, a local devotee of Agra told me that not more than 20 people will attend my katha because in the past many big Katha speakers had orgnised their katha in the same venue and never got any success. I replied to them, “Let’s see, God organize this katha and He is listening to the katha. So, I’m not in any tension.”
On my third day, everyone started to jump like anything. They started to feel the big change and were getting the nectar of Hari Katha. After I ignored this boy, he actually came to confess me. I almost fainted seeing the Lord’s lila. I was like… God! What kind of lila is this? The next day, I found my answer in Srimad Bhagwtam, “If you go to maya, you will not get anything. If you come to Me, you will find the real nectar.” On the fourth day, which was the day of Janmastami according to Srimad Bhagwatam and was a Sunday too, I came for katha and found more than a thousand devotees sitting and waiting to hear my katha. I looked at those local devotees and they were speechless.

From that day, the Agra local tv channel started to broadcast my katha and all the big personalities of Agra started to come. Many of them used to escape their offices to hear katha.

On the last day, I remember that moment when I was leaving and devotees were crying and running behind my car. They were touching my feet, grabbing to hug me, crying for more hari katha. The love, the care, the affection I got from them in 7 days is unforgettable.

I born in a spiritual family but I had a pressure to finish my academic studies first before join the spiritual world. My respected Guru Maharaj wanted me to understand materialism first. After I finished my studies, I was ready to begin my spiritual life but I had a big doubt in me. Is there really God exist? I actually was not ready to act as a spiritual master and speak such things which I doubted.

By the mercy of Guru and Gaurang, I had chosen CHANTING as a tool to find God. I started to do practice. One should remember so many things for chanting, such as Aasan, Jap Mala, concentration, tilak, mantra, etc. If one sits on the ground (without aasan) for chanting get sadness in result, on wood he would get misfortune, on bamboo he would loss his family, on stone he would get sick, on grass he would get dis fame, on leaf aasan his mind would distract and on the cloth aasan he will loose the fruit of his jap. (Brahmand Purana) One should use proper aasan such as woolen, kusa, etc

We are not allowed to chant when we are engaged in other works. I find many devotees who walk with the vedic tool (Jap mala) on their necks or chant mantras while walking here and there. They all are committing offenses. While shoes are on, they are touching Jap Mala. Is that vedic tool or a toy? Why are you making it impure? Why don’t you enter in the temple with shoes on? God wants to see your devotion not body , cloths and shoes. Right? 108 beads of mala is a vedic tool. We are not even supposed to shake our bead bag while chanting. Do you remember any sage photograph who is chanting and his hand which is holding bead bag, on one ‘T’ shape wooden stick? Have you ever thought why did he use that? Lord says, if you move your bead bag, you would loose the fruit of your jap. In the history of Sanatan religion, not a single guru walked with his Jap Mala here and there or chanted. We are supposed to touch that after take the bath/shower, with clean cloths, sitting on a one place for chanting. 27 beads of mala is allowed to use for daily chanting and by that mala we can walk here and there. It is not even allowed in our religion. It is actually allowed in every religion.

Jewish chants on 27 rosemary beads mala, Sikh chants on 27 iron beads mala, Buddh monks chants on 27 beads, Hindus chant on 27 beads, Muslims chant on 27 beads. Chanting is a science. How can we forget the time? It is a major factor. According to scriptures, if we are going to wear new cloths, to put bangles, to buy new land, to give money to someone, to buy or sell property, to start a new business, to buy a vehicle, wedding, yagya, chanting etc everything has a particular time. Eventually, there are different effects if we start something new on different timings. Good and bad also. All achrayas never forget to suggest good timings to their followers. I personally have tried all timings upon me to check their effects before become a spiritual master. By some timing I have seen some sudden deaths of my dear ones because I started puja on wrong moment.  In fact, devotees those who know me have seen me how physically sick I used to be. Because I had done some chanting during bad times which affects body. There are timings of everything, if we start our chanting or puja for some motive. Such thing happens. No one can stop them to happen. Time is the major factor. Some devotees say, Brahm Muhurat is always good to start chanting. It is not true, not a single scripture proves that.

Some devotees do their routine japs everyday. Then they stop it for 10-15 days and start it again when they find time. It is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Because of such things they survive in their devotional life.

Sometimes devotee asks me, In gaudiyas we don’t have such rules. I always say, Gaudiya follow each and every rule. In whole Caitanya Charitamrta or in any scripture it is not written that one should chant on the Jap Mala while he walks here and there. Very clearly it is written, Chant holy name of Lord. Nowhere in the portraits of Caitanya Mahaprabhu or any achraya you can find Bead Bag on their hands while they were walking or doing some work. One can do chanting without bead bag also. There is a difference in Harinaam and Mahamantra. Harinaam is Harinaam when you chant without bead bag but it converts into a mahamantra when you use vedic tool (Jap Mala). One starts to fall down while he chants without rules. Shri Caitanya Mahaprabhu asked us to chant harinaam. In the history of Gaudiya sampradaya any achraya (64 mahants & all goswamis) never walked with their bead bags. By Jap Mala we connect ourselves with God. It needs full concentration. On top of that, we are not allowed to do South facing while we are chanting. In the artha ved and Garuda Puran it is prohibited for Vaishnavs. Yam is the God of south side.

Some devotees ask me, is there any need of such rules? God see devotion only. Lets take a example, there is a one student who is studying in school. He is genius but he breaks all rules. Would you call him perfect? If you would break rules then definitely you would pay for them. On the other side, there is another student, who is genius and disciplined. He would be known as perfect student. Did I or any other human being make these rules? NO. in many cases, Lord Krsn gave these rules to His devotees. Chanting and other pujas need devotion as well as discipline. We can’t break rules on the sake of devotion.

Many female devotees chant on the japmala when they are on their monthly cycle.  They are committing big offense. Story comes in Padma Puran of Lord Krsn and Yudhistar where Lord Krsn said, “Those women will go to Hell and suffer a lot.” Every other Smriti (law books of sanatan dharma) stop them. Not even in our religion our Lords stop. Bible reveals the same fact as well as Quran. Women are not even allowed to visit temples. In Indian temples, you can find one specialty. Most of all temple has one window or door in front of the deity room, from there women who are  on their cycle and Sudra can take darshan without entering the temple. Now question arise, how will they do their routine jap? If they are alone then how would they do worship of their lords. In such circumstances, they can call any other devotee to take care of those deities or they can ask someone to put dry fruits in front the Gods and ask them to eat until they are not cleaned. During their period they are not allowed to touch japmala or sit on the aasan or do any kind of service of God. They can chant without japmala. After cycle they must cover up those rounds which were missed during that time.

If you are chanting on japmala any mantra even Mahamantra also, you should recite mahamantra with proper pronunciation. NO KRSNA. only KRSN. Lord’s name is not KRSNA. Every scripture reveal only KRSN not KRSNA. In fact KRSNA is a name of Shani dev (Saturn). NO RAMA. Chant simply RAM. My name is Chandan Goswami, it is a male name. If someone starts to call me CHANDANA which is female name, how would I feel? We have one Achraya Shri Roop Goswami. Devotees call him RupA Goswami which is again a female name. Are you committing offense? If we change the gender of your name, how would you feel? We all know  the importance of Tilak and shikha (ponytail) as well.

There are a lot to do when one go for chanting. I tried to follow each and every rule according to scriptures to find God. After did my first Sadhna of life. One morning, I was on the roof and looking at the Sun. For a while I forget everything and I lose my consciousness and all of a sudden a heavy rainfall came. I saw in my super consciousness that a big light, which was full of blue and golden colours like a sun in the river, along with some structure, came in front of me. I never forget that light and he told me that your birth is more useful if you follow the path of God. He said “I am always with you from now onwards and will guide you from time to time” and when my conscious returned back, after 15 minutes, I found not even a single drop of water around me. After this, I got a surprised occasion to read Srimad Bhagwatam and feel God came in a similar manner many times.

The important words of such light and structure are “aim of my life”. After this happening (now every second I feel spiritual experiences but it was my turning point) my life is totally turned and changed towards Spiritual Bhakti and aim is to serve the world without any self interest. Now by God High Command’s grace I am having real experience of Bhakti Vibration and meditation last many years. I must say I’m lucky to have Him in my life but Still a part of me wants to see His naughty lilas. Alas! Krsn, I want to be a witness of your lilas, when will you allow this brijwasi? I want to see that naughty smile which steals everyone’s conciousness. I want to see how you serve our Radharani. I want to see how do you play with brijwasis. Why my Lord always go on the silent mode when I ask such questions? I only find a smile on His face. Is He teasing me?

After I had gotten the beautiful blessings of Mahakaal, I made the crazy program to go from Kaal (Mahakaal) to OM (Omkareshwar). I am using the word crazy because we had to catch a train at 6 in the evening from Ujjain and the Omkareshwar temple was a 4 to 5 hrs run by car and we had to make it on time, no matter what. It was already 7 in the morning. I made Yogesh agree to this trip. I told him, that we would be leaving by 8. Maybe we would reach Omkareshwar around 12. One hr for the temple, then 1 hr for lunch and 4 to 5 hrs to come back. I knew i had made a tight program. But I was full of spiritual energy and wanted to feel more.

I remember that when we left, the driver stopped the car at one shop for breakfast. Yogesh asked for the price for one plate of Poha (special breakfast of that state). The shopkeeper replied: “4 rupees per plate.”

I could see Yogesh’s expressions.. he ordered. “chaar pack ker do.” (pack 4 plates for takeaway). I looked at him and we laughed like anything. Because it was so cheap.

Apart from laughing, we were really excited about Omkareshwar. Omkareshwar is situated on mountains. When the hilly area started, I recalled beautiful words…

We were spiritually recharged. This beautiful nature, the cool breeze and peaceful environment made us speechless.

After we reached there,  we went to the Mamleshwar temple which was established by Ravana on the bank of the Narmada river. On the other side of the river the Omkareshwar temple was situated.

We heard that the Temple would close by 13:20. Everything was so cheap. We hired a boat for Rs 10 and reached the other side. For one rupee we got lots of flowers and ‘bel’ leafs. We reached the temple by 13:10. God! The Temple is closed. One panda (guide) came. He said it closes at 13:00 and opens at 14:00. I was depressed, looked at Yogesh, he said, lets wait. We have made this trip. So lets take darshan.

I was worried because of the train. I sat down and started to wait. We were in the queue, after 15 mins. one devotee came and told me, enter from the back side gate. The temple is still open, my eyes sparkled. Ahhh… God sent a messenger. I ran to the back side gate with Yogesh. A few devotees, who got to the temple after us, were coming out from there. I was now fully sure. We approached the gatekeeper but he didn’t allow us in. I asked Yogesh if he (gatekeeper) would take a bribe. Indian style

Wow! He denied. I was desperate to get the darshan as soon as i could. I started to look for any corrupt pujari who could take us inside.

After two mins of seeking my eyes spotted one guy’s face. Search completed. He was sitting all alone. I became confident and told Yogesh to watch. I went to this guy who seemed to be a pujari. I asked him if he could take us in for darshan. He denied.

Kitna loge? (How much money do you want?) I asked.

Kitna doge? (How much would you give me?) He replied. (Genuinely it shows how corrupt he was)

Maharaj pahle aap to batao? (you say, how much do you want?) I asked again.

He asked me, how many people?

Two I said.

Rs. 300

Technically I started to bargain with him. I got him down to Rs. 100

He went to talk with the main priest and granted us the permission to take darshan for 2 mins. I became so happy. When you are in Bhaav (devotional mood) 2 mins are nothing. I thought, something is better than nothing. Yogesh complained, Guru, I didnt like this hurry darshan. - We were lucky enough to make it, I pointed to the queue and said, we were supposed to sit there and chant a waiting mantra. Don’t worry, we will make another trip soon. At the same time, pride arose in me. For only Rs 100 I got the darshan of the MAIN temple of Lord Shiv. How cheap this darshan was. I started to laugh and in such a blindness i made calls to a couple of my friends to show them how smart i was in bargaining. I became proud.
We safely reached the train on time, but on the way back I got a fever. I told a few people in the train about the height of corruption and how i dealed with it by telling my bargaining story.

On the next day at  3 in the early morning Yogesh said, Get ready, we are reaching Mathura. I went to the compartment gate with my luggage. Yogesh was at the gate. We approached the Mathura railway station but the train didnt stop. Yogesh said, I guess the train is stopping here. I don’t know what happened to me but I pulled him back and jumped from the running train and started to scream “YOGESH JUMP!!!” but he didn’t. The train stopped at the end of the platform.

After a minute i realized, i was injured. Half of my nail was broken down from the toe and I was bleeding.

Yogesh showed his anger to me. In my whole life I never took such a stupid decision. I was shocked and was thinking why did I do that? At 3:15 in the morning we couldn’t visit any doctor or were able to get first aid.

I told Yogesh, Get an autorikshaw and lets go to Vrindavan. In the meanwhile, I started to think, whatsoever Yogesh did on this trip I did too. Why didnt he get this punishment? What was my mistake?

The next moment I heard our Auto rickshaw driver, He was speaking to Yogesh, “Money blinds people. I’m asking genuine charges for Vrindavan.”

I got my answer. We went as Brijwasis to visit those temples. As a Brijwasi Vaishnavs we got everything. Yogesh wanted to wait for the darshan. But I was being in a hurry and committed that offense. After paying the bribe I got the fever in Omkareshwar and after this punishment when I was putting my first step into Brij, I got hurt. In Brij, Lord Radha & Krsn want Love & Devotion. They dont want money, pride, selfishness. Somehow I laughed at His great Vaishnav. “Such a cheap darshan” It was definite, by such steps He could become unhappy. I had got the punishment and asked Him to forgive me. I started to cry, it was such an instant reaction from the Lord’s side. It means???? Is He really taking care of me? Does he always watch every of my steps?

I guess, I know my answers.

Janmastami, the day of Lord Shri Krsn. The Day of the Supreme Lord Head. The Day which is one of my busiest day. I woke up very early with the lots of work in my mind. I had to do many preparations before temple. As usual, I took my handy first which was lying down next to me. My handy was showing, one message received. I became so curious who had sent me the message in the early morning. That was the unknown number, but the message was… ? said,dont look around because you will be impressed… Dont look down cause you will be depressed… Just look up to ME all the time and you will be BLESSED. Happy Janmastami.

For me this indication was very mysterious. After read that message I tried to call up on that unknown number. But the number was not valid.

I started to do my routine work with the question mark about that message.

I went early to the temple. After washed my hands, I entered in the deity room. Where is HE??? OOhhhh sitting with one Goswami? getting ready for Abhisheka. After entered on the altar I again washed my hands as per the costume. I put some KHUS oil on the hand. Touched His feet?d gave Him the Full Sashtanga with the hope to get His all the blessings.

After that I involved myself in all the preparations with my father. Under his guidance I was learning many preparations which I had never ever done before. In between of that, one order came, Chandan!! Go with young Goswamis to collect Yamuna water. I made a team of four or five young Goswamis who were capable to carry 20 liters pot from Yamuna River. At last when we were ready to go… one old Goswami joined us.. I became happy, with the joyous I started to look at my Lord; I smiled to Him with some tiny tears on my eyes. GOD!! Nothing is hidden from you. You always increase my enthusiasm to meet you. My appetite to get you. I was little bit worried cause of Yamuna flood and young goswamis. So we went to collect the Yamuna water in old Goswami guidance.

After came back from Yamuna safely, we entered in the temple.

Now, everything was ready, all things were done, One Goswami was Putting Sri Radha Ramanji on the abhishek throne, one Goswami was checking His Srngaar(Make up) two Goswamis were having lulla bell, My dad was sitting on the priest seat, Two Goswamis were sitting to distribute the Prasad. Few Goswamis were looking the milk. I was standing with my younger brother. Few Goswamis were chanting Mantras; One Goswami was sitting behind The Lord. After checked out everything, my father gave a signal to open the curtain. Wow!! Thousands of Devotees!!! Without telling to them anything they stood up with their spirit, their enthusiasm for God’s darshan… was making them aggressive. Every devotee wanted to come on the first row.

Curtained opened, All bells are ringing, Bunch of devotees group are chanting Mahamantra. Few Sakhis are dancing in courtyard. All devotees wanted to be an eye witnessed of the abhisheka at anyhow.

I am standing next to Lord. Got the indicator to start the abhisheka with Herbs. I started to give the herbs to one Goswami who was putting them on God as per scripture says. According to the scriptures before abhisheka we have to do the abhisheka by some herbs and have to put some herb pastes on Lord. Cause, He is going to take bath for few hours. May be, He could get cold or fever. So it is a precaution.

With all my morning strength I was involving myself. When I poured first Shankha of Milk on Sri Radha Ramanji. A BIG sound of Radha Raman Lal ki Jai!!! Jai Jai Sri Radhe!!!! Came from the devotees. A sound which was waiting for this moment. A sound of love to Him.

The milk abhisheka was going on many Goswamis came to me. They wanted to pour the milk. Firstly I was denying them. Then I thought why my selfishness is stopping other Goswamis for Seva? Why m I only thinking about myself?

Here are so many Goswamis who are having same heritage right like me. I am not superior.

After all the fighting with my selfishness and feelings, I decided to leave the work for young Goswamis. As they have to learn as well.

I went to do the hard Seva. There was a big Iron Tank, full of 200 liters of water. I started to pour the sugar into it. Then I dipped the one big iron rod into the water. It is the very tough Seva during abhisheka. 200 liters of water, 20 to 30 kg sugar, one fat iron rod. My work to mix the sugar with the water, in during of Milk bathing. Means fastly. Not easy at all. But a good punishment for my selfishness. A little far from Him. But in His Seva.

This small incident changed my mind. Before I used to do only that Seva which took me very near to Him. But Seva is that which never want you to be near to Him.

In the meantime, my mind started to think all negative aspects. May be Sri Radha Ramanji wanted someone else instead of me. Might be possible now I am not well enough like before. May be my BHAAVS(true feelings) for Seva are not pure anymore (actually it was somehow right).

Because of Him I got everything in life. A sweet life I am living. And when everything goes alright. Somehow we start to forget our God. We start to lose our real Bhaavs.

You know when real Bhaav comes out? When we suffer, when sorrow comes, when everything goes bad, when we can?ee any good hope.

On that time the real Bhaav comes out from our heart. We show our very real feeling to God. Cause we are in trouble. We need a solution. We need a magic which can take out our sorrows in a second.

But when you get real good time. Then spiritual Bhaav goes out somewhere and Laxmi Bhaav comes out.

In a bad time, whatever happens, we do our daily routine worship even more also. But in a good time. God!! I am having a meeting. I will see you whenever I have time. Somehow, the same thing was happening with me.

But this time, it was not my 100% fault. Last two months I am feeling less Bhaavs for Him. He was very much aware. I begged?terally begged to Him many times for that. If He does not want to give me then what can I do?

Not my fault…Not my fault fully.. thinking!! And mixing the sugar, while one old Goswami started to call me. Finding me… Chandan! Come on your place, do your job! These Goswamis are making the abhisheka late.

Heart enlightened!! Candle got the fire!! Dead body got the soul!!! And Chandan got the tears.

I ran, caught my place, Goswamis were speaking, Do your duty, dont go here and there. In the reply, I only passed my smile, I looked at Him. He is very Naughty. Smiling on me! I started to do my job but was sharing also time to time with another Goswamis.

Hail! Sri Radha Ramanji!!! Nobody can win from You. Play with me softly.. my heart is very soft. you reside in it always.

I was praying to Him and looking up to Him with my tears after finished the abhisheka.

The Goswami came to me who was having worship turn. He asked me to come for Nandotsava tomorrow. I never ever was on the altar during the Nandotsava.

The hidden tears came out on the cheeks with the answer of that morning message. Look up to me and you will be blessed?

Jai Radha Raman!!!!